Celebrity jokes
I was watching a documentary about how storks carry babies from their previous life to the next.
In his old life, Michael Jackson must’ve been a teddy bear. The storks let him play with kids for a change.
A lot of people ask why I only make jokes about Paul Walker and no one else.
Because they didn’t have as big of an impact as him.
Your mum is so ugly she made Paul Walker run.
"Hee hee touch my pp."
What's harder than titanium? Michael Jackson at the playground.
You heard that Michael Jackson autopsy reports showed he died of food poisoning?
It’s because he ate some 8 year old nuts.
Mrs. Kadie, I just heard about a FGTEEV video about vegan nuggets.
Duddy: Sup FGTEEVERS, me and James Marsden just got some Chick-fil-A.
Viewers: Got ya again Mrs. Kadie.
Mrs. Kadie: Vincent and James, I am going to push you off your roof.
Duddy and James: AHHHHHHH!
How many times does Ariana Grande knock at the door?
She doesn’t, she just uses 7 rings.
What's red and got makeup all over?
A Bill Cosby victim.
Donald Trump is so stupid his fanboys dislike this.
Why can't Juice Wrld play Black Ops II?
Because he can't handle 6 perks.
What do Phillip Adam and Kurt Cobain have in common?
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.
What are Michael Jackson's pronouns?
He, he.
What does Michael Jackson say when he stubs his toe?
Ow!
Race car backwards is race car, but if you turn race car sideways, that’s how Paul Walker got sent to God’s inbox.
A plane is going to crash. There are four passengers and only three parachutes. All the staff are safe and are gone, leaving the passengers. Ryan Reynolds is the first. He says, "My fans need me," and jumps. Donald Trump takes another and says, "I am the smartest president," and jumps, leaving one. There is a pope and a boy left. The pope says, "Child, my life is over and yours has just begun, take the last parachute." The boy replies, "Don't worry - Donald took my backpack."
Why did Paul Walker die? Because he crashed a car into a tree.
What did Eminem call himself when he lost weight?
Slim Shady.
What did Jay Z say when he got pulled over?
"I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one!"
At the age of 100, you get a letter from the Queen. At 12, you get a DM from Prince Charles.