So, I met Michael Jackson before he died. He dragged me to his bed.
What's the one thing that you don't have but celebrities do?
Lots of fans.
Robin Williams' death was the most horrible impression ever given. (RIP Robin Williams, you will be missed!)
What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common? They both let little kids sit on their lap.
What do you call being run over by Michael Jackson?
Being hit by... Being struck by... A smooth criminal.
Hey, did you know Paul Walker's gay?
Why do you say that?
Because he likes to wrap himself around long, old wood.
What’s better than Ted Danson?
Ted singing and Danson!
What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
On the 12th day of Christmas Peo Pessi gave to me:
12 tap ins
11 pointless dribbles
10 fixed league titles
9 missed penalties
8-2
6 dives
500 million robbed from Barca
4 UCL semi losses
3 times he blamed Higuain
2 retirements
And a transfer to a farmers league.
Why does Michael Jackson do positions with kids in photos? Because they won’t do the same for him.
Why are Michael Jackson and caviar so much in common?
They both come on little white crackers.
Despite Michael Jackson’s legal problems while he was alive, McDonald’s is still going to honor his life achievements in the music industry by naming a sandwich after him.
They’re going to call it the McMichael! It’s going to be a fifty year old piece of meat pressed between two eight year old buns.
So, my son is into astronomy, and he asked how stars die. I said, "Usually overdose."
What did Michael Jackson say to the little boy?
"Shhhhhhh, this might hurt a little."
Why is he sooo dam fineee?
My impression of Michael Jackson's butler:
When answering the phone: "No, sorry, he's dead." *hangs up phone*
What actor does an orphan hate?
Vin Diesel.
If you give Kobe Bryant a cigarette, he will be warm for a short time.
But he was set on fire in the helicopter crash, so now he's warm for the rest of his life.
What's the difference between the 44 out of the 45 people who died in the Yaroslavl crash and the nine people who died in the helicopter crash?
Only one was ever famous. Vasicek and Kobe Bryant were the champions.
You're as useless as Stevie Wonder's eyes!
