Chuck Norris doesn't turn on his shower, he just stares at it until it cries.
I heard that Jimmy Savile never wanted to be famous... All he ever wanted was to settle down, and have kids.
Michael Jackson and Tonya Harding got together back in the day for a horse racing venture. Tonya says, "I'll handle the handicapping, you go ride the 3-year-olds."
A very rich and famous comedian walked into a Russian bar and asked for a vodka, but the bar man (a big fan of his) answered to him: - "This vodka isn't good enough for you." - "If it is good enough for you it is good enough for me!"
How did Reese eat her cereal? - Witherspoon!
Chuck Norris is...
What? You don't need to know what he is. He's just, Chuck.
I wank over Rose Watson.
Where would you take Stephen hawking if he dies, the funeral directors or PC world
Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii I'm famous
"Dad, how do stars die?" -- "Usually an overdose."
What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common?
Their last big hit was the wall.
