Yo mama so fat...
That when she used a jump rope... Every time she jumped caused a giant cataclysm!
Are you an abstract manifestation of my childhood traumas and recent memories combined? 'Cause damn, you look like you came out of a dream!
Why was the barber mad because I gave him a buzzcut?
Jack and Jill went up my ass to eat a big dildo, but Jack died cause he got hit by a brown thing.
Yo mama's so fat that when she went sky diving, she caused another global extinction.
I think democracy is a scam. I love men and I love you. I love men and I love you. I love my dog. He won't sleep inside and I shitted my pants. I peed my pants. I smell bad. I took a shower and my dog was like, "Oh my god." I was like, "Oh." I was like, "Oh my god," and then I was like, "I shitted again" and he was like, "Bark bark," cause he's a dog. Thanks for listening.
A little girl said to her mom, "Mom, my butt's cracked, kiss it, kiss it!" Her mom said, "Sweetie, shut up, it's always been there!" Then her daughter died 'cause of her melodramaticness.
A man runs into a church and shouts, "Are there any dwarf nuns in the monastery?" The Pope said no, causing the man to say to his friend, "I told you you fucked a penguin!"
Why shouldn't you let a Chinese person play baseball?
'Cause they'll eat the bat!
Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road?
'Cause it was stuck in the crack... *buttcrack*
Guy: Are you depression? 'Cause you're crippling me.
Car driver: No, I'm the guy that hit you with his car and crippled you.
Guy: Don't worry, I was already crippled because I got crippling depression.
Why do orphans only drink water in cereal?
'Cause Dad never brought home the milk...
Why couldn't the toilet cross the road?
Answer: 'Cause it got stuck in the crack.
Why don’t orphans play baseball? Cause they don’t know where home is!
Ashes to ashes, priests prefer boys, 'cause they don't have to shave their asses.
You know why you never wanna fly with an orphan?
'Cause then they know they won't die alone.
Dad: What did you learn in school today?
Timmy: Not enough, I guess, 'cause I gotta go back tomorrow.
Why don't orphans play baseball? Cause they don't know where home is!
Why can't orphans play House Flipper?
'Cause they don't know what to do.
Why can't orphans eat a big bag of crisps?
'Cause it's family size...?!
