I heard that to slow the growth of fire, you use a flame retardant.
So I threw my stupid son in the flames when my house caught on fire!
Why did the basketball player not get on the bus?
Because he couldnโt be caught travelling! ๐
A missionary was caught by cannibals. He was tied up and thrown into a big pot. The cannibals were chopping up vegetables and throwing them into the pot with the missionary. When they lit the fire under the pot, the missionary said, "You can't stew me. I'm a friar."
My brother caught Covid last month.
First I knew about it was when he speed-dialled me at 3am and gasped, "I can't breathe, I can't breathe!"
I just told him straight: "Bro... you really need to work on your George Floyd jokes."
Why do bugs hate the internet?
Because they always get caught.
Get it? Inter-net?
Q: Why did the cat get arrested?
A: He was caught littering.
Get a calculator.
Okay, anyways, Sally has 69 bottles of boobs (because she is a cannibal that collects boobs) and her friend said it was 222 many. She got caught by the police and was taken to 51st Street. She got arrested for x8 days, so she was BOOBLESS.
Q: Why was the gay man fired from the sperm bank?
A: He got caught drinking on the job.
A depressed man was caught on top of the Empire State Building with marijuana. Needless to say, he didn't want to come down.
What did one fish say to the other?
Keep your mouth shut and you'll never get caught.
What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?
"Wait, I can explain everything!"
Six was scared of seven because 7 8 9, so why was 10 scared? Because he was caught between 9/11.
I was visiting an orphanage and started to pull in close to the building. My car hit 3 speed bumps, and it caught me off guard. I got out of my car, looked under my tire, and saw three orphans wedged in my tire. I started to get worried, but then I thought to myself... nobody will miss them.
I got caught doing donuts in the parking lot, and I know what y'all are thinking.
Who names their dog Donuts?
A white woman was caught on video using racial slurs and assaulting two black students. She was charged with "interpreting" a black police officer.
The guard caught one of the fugitives as he tried to escape. All he said was...
"Don't let your guard down."
"Poor old fool," thought the gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. He invited the old man inside for a drink.
The gentleman asked, "So how many have you caught today?"
The old man replied, "You're the eighth."
What do you call a sped kid in a wheelchair that caught on fire?
Hot Wheels.
I watch my parents sleep with a knife in my hands. Only got caught once.
Gun control in America is perfect the way it is, because the other day my daughter was seeing a boy and i caught them in bed. Then i pulled out my shotgun and nearly shot him. As he was running away I shouted " The only person allowed to f*ck my daughter is me!".
