Caught jokes

My friend got mad when he caught me smelling his sister's panties. I don't know why he was mad, maybe because she was wearing them, or because his whole family was watching. Either way, it made the funeral a bit awkward.

My wife caught me one day for watching a porn channel, so I quickly turned the TV to a fishing channel. On her way out, she said: "You should stay on the porn channel. You know how to fish!"

When I was 14, my mum caught me wanking, and she slapped me across the face. A couple weeks later, my dad caught me having a beer, and he made me drink 40 beers. I just thought, "Well, I'm glad he didn't catch me wanking."

I almost got caught watching porn. My mom got the bill for the account, but luckily dad had my back. I mean, we do use the same account.

What makes suicide illegal?

Getting caught.

I caught my girlfriend cheating on me, with our dad.

Little Natalie was playing with matches. Her mother caught her, took them, whupped her, and told her never to play with matches again.

A few minutes later, Little Natalie was playing with matches again. The curtains caught fire, and the house burned down.

Another few minutes later, when she and her mother were sitting at their neighbors', her mother told her: "If you think I gave you a whupping, wait till your father gets home!"

Little Natalie just cackled with delight because she knew her father had gotten home earlier and gone upstairs to take a nap.

An apple and an emo kid fall off a tree at the same time. Who hits the ground first?

The apple, because the emo kid got caught by the rope.

So I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carrot. My first reaction was "Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!"

Chuck Norris caught all the Pokémon -- from a landline.

What do you get when a cow is caught in an earthquake?

You get a milkshake!

What does Sonic say when he doesn't want to get caught fucking in public?

Gotta Go Fast!

How did the necrophiliac get caught?

Some rotten cunt split on him....

Chuck Norris threw one Pokéball and caught 'em all.

One day in class, little Johnny was mucking around, not listening to the teacher. After 5 minutes, the teacher caught him, finished what she was saying, and said, "Little Johnny, if you weren’t listening, what was the last thing I said?" And little Johnny replied back, "You said, 'What was the last thing I said?'"

If you want to see my foes, bring a shovel and bring a map and a getaway car just in case we get caught.

Why was Stephen Hawking's wife mad at him?

She caught him having an affair with his shoulder.

A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd-shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.

As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"

I got caught masturbating in the bath by my mum!

I said, "Mum, I’ll wash it as hard and fast as I want!"

When the police caught him stealing the batteries, he got immediately charged!