Car jokes
How did they figure out what kind of shampoo Paul Walker used? They found his “head and shoulders” in the dash.
When I called the suicidal hotline in Iraq, they asked if I could drive the car.
I had to stop drinking because I got tired of waking up in my car, driving 90.
One day a father went out for some cold beer and threw the 18 pack in the back seat on top of the infant in the car seat. Fortunately, it was light beer.
What is a car?
There are sexiest women in politics.
They should be in a car showroom.
Why did the frog take the train to work? His car got toad.
What's the difference between cars and grass?
They both have wheels, except for the grass.
My daughter said I could never make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
So one time I had a dream where I was on a road trip and we drove a golf cart and a Susan, which I don’t know why the heck the name of the car was called a Susan.
We went into this house and there was like a woman there and we went into this bathroom which looked like a public bathroom, which was so weird!
What time is it when you get hit by a car? Time to die.
How do you take care of all the babies you just crushed with your car?
Open a pizza shop 🍕
There's a Mexican, Brazilian, and Cuban in a S60. Who's driving?
When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.
Why did the rhino eat the car?
Poop.
A professional golfer driving his Porsche picked up an Irish girl hitchhiker. He had his golfing gear on the back seat. The Irish girl picked up something and asked, "What are these?"
"Those are tees," he said. "I rest my balls on them when I drive."
"Wow!" said the girl. "What will those car makers think of next!"
What do you get when you have a class of kids and a speeding car?
A 24 killstreak!
A Ford?
Are you lightning?
Because you're McQueen.
How many babies does it take to paint wheels red?
It depends on your speed.