Candy jokes
Me: *stabs vampire*
Wife: omg
Me: *beats vampire to death*
Wife: OMG
Me: What?
Wife: You're supposed to give them candy!
Me: Well, that's a sticky situation now, isn't it, Barbara?
What happens when you combine candy and dick? That creepy guy down the street!
I love it when candy canes are in mint condition.
Does Eminem like M\&M's? Cause if he didn't, that would be like "they're" not liking "there."
What is the difference between an orphan and cotton candy?
Answer: The cotton candy gets picked.
So my sister was eating Now&Laters, and I continuously heard smacking sounds. So I told her, "Can you stop smacking? It's annoying." Then she said, "I can't, it's a juicy type of candy." So I said, "I can stop the candies from making that sound." Then she said, "How?" So I smacked her. :)
Why do oompa loompas secretly take Skinny Dips in Willy Wonka's chocolate?
They wanted some chocolate balls.
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick her candy, but Jack had a shock and a mouth full of cock, and Jill's real name was Randy.
What's a pedophile's favorite holiday?
Halloween. Free delivery!
Your legs are just like Oreos! I wanna split the ends and eat what's in between.
What do you call a bear without teeth? A gummy bear hahaha.
I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.
It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!
Why did the M&M go to school?
It wanted to be a Smartie.
Why do orphans hate family-size candy?
Because they can't share it with their family.
Why do emo kids love dressing up on Halloween so much?
It's their last holiday for them, but at least they're still hanging on...
What are chocolate's preferred gender pronouns?
Her-she.
On Halloween you better hide your candy, or else there will be a fella named Big Dick Randy.
What does an emo do on Halloween? They hang like a decoration.
Kids are like a box of chocolates, they taste so good and you never know what you are going to get.
What's the difference between me and a rapist?
He forced her, while I convinced her with a candy.
She was just 7 years old.