Candy jokes
You: Say "addicted" after everything I say.
Person: Uh okay.
You: When you're obsessed with candy you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: When you're obsessed with drugs you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: What hit you in the face last night?
Person: Addicted... *laughs*
(It's supposed to sound like "A dick did")
My favorite quote will always be, "Sketchy candy is better than no candy."
- One of the thousands of missing children.
What is an alien's favourite chocolate?
A Mars bar.
What is an Emo's favorite way to Cosplay?
Dress up as a piñata!
Daughter: Mommy?
Mom: Hey.
Daughter: What kind of kids do they use to make Sour Patch Kids?
Mom: They don’t use kids to make Sour Patch Kids.
Daughter: Oh, that’s why the ones I made taste kind of funny...
What do you get when a cow doesn't give any more milk?
A milk dud 😂
Yesterday in my dream I ate a ten pound marshmallow, when I woke up, my pillow was gone.
What is six inches, has nuts, and is hard?
A sinkers bar.
Why does Michael Jackson wear a white glove?
So he won't bite his fingers when he eats a tootsie roll.
Did you hear about the magician who did magic with chocolate?
I heard he had loads of Twix up his sleeve.
What is the sun's favorite chocolate bar?
A Milky Way 😱
What’s a kid with Down syndrome's favorite candy... Grunts.
Last Halloween, I went dressed as a woman. When I rang the doorbell, an elderly woman opened it, and I made a grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands.
She immediately called the police and told them exactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First, he asked if my parents were here, and I said nothing. Concerned by my answer, he then asked if I was okay, so I said nothing. He asked me what my name was, and I responded, "Hellen Keller."
Where are you not allowed to go trick or treating as a ghost?
Harlem, New York.
Yo mama so dumb, she tried to put m&m's in alphabetical order.
I bet for Halloween you were a Goblin. How about you gobble deez nuts?
I hate this. Everybody knows it's how I roll, if you jump into my van you get a Tootsie Roll. My uncle said this...
What do orphans be on Halloween?
They be themselves.
A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it.
Doctor: "I have good news and bad news."
Guy: "What's the bad news?"
Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."
Guy: "Good news?"
Doc: "You now have tic tac toe."
What is the opposite of a lady finger?
Answer: Mentos.