What is an alien's favourite chocolate?
A Mars bar.
Daughter: Mommy?
Mom: Hey.
Daughter: What kind of kids do they use to make Sour Patch Kids?
Mom: They don’t use kids to make Sour Patch Kids.
Daughter: Oh, that’s why the ones I made taste kind of funny...
Yesterday in my dream I ate a ten pound marshmallow, when I woke up, my pillow was gone.
What do you get when a cow doesn't give any more milk?
A milk dud 😂
What is six inches, has nuts, and is hard?
A sinkers bar.
Did you hear about the magician who did magic with chocolate?
I heard he had loads of Twix up his sleeve.
What is the sun's favorite chocolate bar?
A Milky Way 😱
Why does Michael Jackson wear a white glove?
So he won't bite his fingers when he eats a tootsie roll.
Last Halloween, I went dressed as a woman. When I rang the doorbell, an elderly woman opened it, and I made a grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands.
She immediately called the police and told them exactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First, he asked if my parents were here, and I said nothing. Concerned by my answer, he then asked if I was okay, so I said nothing. He asked me what my name was, and I responded, "Hellen Keller."
Where are you not allowed to go trick or treating as a ghost?
Harlem, New York.
Yo mama so dumb, she tried to put m&m's in alphabetical order.
I hate this. Everybody knows it's how I roll, if you jump into my van you get a Tootsie Roll. My uncle said this...
What do orphans be on Halloween?
They be themselves.
I bet for Halloween you were a Goblin. How about you gobble deez nuts?
Me: *stabs vampire*
Wife: omg
Me: *beats vampire to death*
Wife: OMG
Me: What?
Wife: You're supposed to give them candy!
Me: Well, that's a sticky situation now, isn't it, Barbara?
A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it.
Doctor: "I have good news and bad news."
Guy: "What's the bad news?"
Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."
Guy: "Good news?"
Doc: "You now have tic tac toe."
What happens when you combine candy and dick? That creepy guy down the street!
I love it when candy canes are in mint condition.
Does Eminem like M\&M's? Cause if he didn't, that would be like "they're" not liking "there."
What is the difference between an orphan and cotton candy?
Answer: The cotton candy gets picked.
