New Candy Jokes

On Halloween you better hide your candy, or else there will be a fella named Big Dick Randy.

LBB- why did Santa take the kitty and all of my toys Mummy

His mom- Maybe because your the second most massive shit stain besides Caillou

*Krampus comes down the chimney to eat LBB*

Krampus- should’ve been better Little Bear

LLB -help Mummy he’s the Scratchy monster

Shrek- just kidding it’s not Krampus but indeeds Me and Black Donkey instead, and were going to poop on your floor

Duggie- hopefully Marvins doesn’t see us and by the way want some purplish koolaid

I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.

It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!

Whats a prostitutes favourite snack? Skittles. They love to taste the rainbow.

My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."

Why is it wrong to drive around in a van offering children candy? Because you’ll have more success if you give out video games

What's a rapper's favorite type of CANDY?

Mic Drops

Your mom is so fat that she thought Eminem is a candy

What kind of candy do astronauts eat in space? Mars bars

Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?

Because they have no body to go with.

Does Eminem like M\&M's? Cause if he didn't, that would be like "they're" not liking "there."

a sister told her brother to walk to the store buy some candy watch movie with her while eating the candy (but he couldn't walk because he has no legs he couldn't buy candy because he has no arms he couldn't watch a movie because he was blind and he couldn't eat because he has no stomach who said he was real?)

⚠️I’m not racist it’s just a joke⚠️

What do you call four black ppl in a sleeping bag?

A Kit Kat

What is the difference between an orphan and cotton candy?

Answer: The cotton candy gets picked.

Madeline McCann must of been homeless or something she was sure eggar for the free candy

How do men like their women? Striped

How does priest like their children? Clean

Why are most orphans strippers? they want to call someone mommy or daddy

What is the difference between stripper and candy? none. but they like it when you take the wrapper off

imagine a white van. now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombre on and his arm out the window and on the side of the van it says free candy. but there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back

Shut the fuck up u fat bitch u always like to roast others but u cant walk up the stairs whithout passing out u fat stupid bitch and i caught you break into someones house just to steal a peace of candy fat ass bitch.