On Halloween you better hide your candy, or else there will be a fella named Big Dick Randy.
Candy Jokes
Little Brown Bear (LBB): Why did Santa take the kitty and all of my toys, Mummy?
His mom: Maybe because you're the second most massive shit stain besides Caillou.
*Krampus comes down the chimney to eat LBB*
Krampus: Should’ve been better, Little Bear.
LBB: Help, Mummy! He’s the Scratchy monster!
Shrek: Just kidding, it’s not Krampus, but indeed me and Black Donkey instead, and we’re going to poop on your floor.
Duggie: Hopefully Marvin doesn’t see us, and by the way, want some purplish Kool-Aid?
I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.
It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!
What's a prostitute's favorite snack?
Skittles. They love to taste the rainbow.
My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."
What do you call a happy cowboy? A jolly rancher.
Why is it wrong to drive around in a van offering children candy?
Because you’ll have more success if you give out video games!
What's a pedo's favorite snack?
Sour Patch Kids.
What's a rapper's favorite type of CANDY?
Mic Drops.
Your mom is so fat that she thought Eminem is a candy.
What kind of candy do astronauts eat in space?
Mars bars.
Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?
Because they have no body to go with.
Does Eminem like M\&M's? Cause if he didn't, that would be like "they're" not liking "there."
What are emo kids' least favorite lollies?
Life Savers.
Why is the older brother's kid brother that has autism always performing fellatio on his older brother?
Because he wants to find out how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.
A sister told her brother to walk to the store, buy some candy, and watch a movie with her while eating the candy.
But he couldn't walk because he has no legs. He couldn't buy candy because he has no arms. He couldn't watch a movie because he was blind, and he couldn't eat because he has no stomach. Who said he was real?
⚠️I’m not racist it’s just a joke⚠️
What do you call four black ppl in a sleeping bag?
A Kit Kat
What is the difference between an orphan and cotton candy?
Answer: The cotton candy gets picked.
Madeline McCann must have been homeless or something, she was sure eager for the free candy.
How do men like their women? Striped.
How does a priest like their children? Clean.
Why are most orphans strippers? They want to call someone mommy or daddy.
What is the difference between a stripper and candy? None. But they like it when you take the wrapper off.