Candy jokes
Yo mama so fat, when she goes to the movies, she sneaks candy in her fat rolls.
The nut is so solid, it’s peanut brittle.
What's a smart person's favorite candy? Nerds! :D
What’s the difference between candy and an orphan?
Candy is something everybody wants.
What are chocolate's preferred gender pronouns?
Her-she.
What do an M&M and juice have in common?
Window.
Good Lord, any tips on how to kidnap children? I say, "Free candy," and they run.
What is a paedo's favourite time of year?
Halloween because they get free delivery.
My chocolate babe is calling my name, and now I'm about to get my chocolate freak on.
What is the biggest candy in the world?
Candy Borobudur.
What is the sun's favorite chocolate bar?
The Milky Way!
What kind of candy do astronauts eat in space?
Mars bars.
My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."
Why is it wrong to drive around in a van offering children candy?
Because you’ll have more success if you give out video games!
Why is the older brother's kid brother that has autism always performing fellatio on his older brother?
Because he wants to find out how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.
Madeline McCann must have been homeless or something, she was sure eager for the free candy.
Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.
So I stayed at home for Halloween when I suddenly hear a knock on my door. I open and I see Penandes! I was confused and asked him why he does not wear a costume, and he said he doesn't need to.
Then I realized that he's a ghost and gave him 3 candies. Enjoy the candies Pruno!
Ernie and Burt were camping in the woods, when they woke up Burt asked Ernie "how did you sleep?" Ernie replied with "I slept amazing! I had a great dream that I was in a magic candy world and was sucking the most tastiest lollipop I'd ever tasted in my life."
Burt replied with "Good to hear, I slept amazing too. I had a dream that I was in heaven surrounded by angels, and one of them was giving me a blow job."
Your forehead looks like the inside of a Malteser.