Candy jokes
Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
Because they keep falling through the holes in his hands.
What’s the best kind of candy to offer at a Pride parade?
Skittles.
What do you call a skinny black dick? A Tootsie Roll.
Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
They'll fall right through his hands.
One day, I put a lady taffy on my ass.
Friend: Why did you touch me?
Me: That guy in the corner with no hair, glasses, really nice, white button up shirt, that drives a white van slow by school zones told me to and he would give me hard candy.
Warning: if you don't like gummy bears, DO NOT READ.
Q: What do you call a Mexican gummy bear?
A: Delici-Oso
Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke weed.
Jack and Jill got high, and Jack ripped Jill's clothes right off her. Then Jill ripped Jack's clothes off. Jack, when they were fully naked, they started to kiss, but Jack stopped. Jill said, "I know you wanna." Jack said, "No," but Jill jumped on that candy stick anyway. Jack gave in to Jill.
Jill got off, then let Jack suck her candy stick. Jill sucked on Jack's candy stick.
Yo mama so fat, when she goes to the movies, she sneaks candy in her fat rolls.
Why is it wrong to drive around in a van offering children candy?
Because you’ll have more success if you give out video games!
My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."
What is the sun's favorite chocolate bar?
The Milky Way!
What is the biggest candy in the world?
Candy Borobudur.
Why is the older brother's kid brother that has autism always performing fellatio on his older brother?
Because he wants to find out how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.
The nut is so solid, it’s peanut brittle.
Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.
What do an M&M and juice have in common?
Window.
Good Lord, any tips on how to kidnap children? I say, "Free candy," and they run.
What's a smart person's favorite candy? Nerds! :D
What’s the difference between candy and an orphan?
Candy is something everybody wants.