Candy jokes

Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke weed.

Jack and Jill got high, and Jack ripped Jill's clothes right off her. Then Jill ripped Jack's clothes off. Jack, when they were fully naked, they started to kiss, but Jack stopped. Jill said, "I know you wanna." Jack said, "No," but Jill jumped on that candy stick anyway. Jack gave in to Jill.

Jill got off, then let Jack suck her candy stick. Jill sucked on Jack's candy stick.

Yo mama so fat, when she goes to the movies, she sneaks candy in her fat rolls.

Why is the older brother's kid brother that has autism always performing fellatio on his older brother?

Because he wants to find out how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.

Madeline McCann must have been homeless or something, she was sure eager for the free candy.

Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.

Why is it wrong to drive around in a van offering children candy?

Because you’ll have more success if you give out video games!

My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."

What is a paedo's favourite time of year?

Halloween because they get free delivery.

What do an M&M and juice have in common?

Window.

Good Lord, any tips on how to kidnap children? I say, "Free candy," and they run.

The nut is so solid, it’s peanut brittle.

What are chocolate's preferred gender pronouns?

Her-she.

What’s the difference between candy and an orphan?

Candy is something everybody wants.

What's a smart person's favorite candy? Nerds! :D

My chocolate babe is calling my name, and now I'm about to get my chocolate freak on.

What is the biggest candy in the world?

Candy Borobudur.

What is the sun's favorite chocolate bar?

The Milky Way!

What kind of candy do astronauts eat in space?

Mars bars.

What's a lesbian's favorite candy?

Licorice.

So I stayed at home for Halloween when I suddenly hear a knock on my door. I open and I see Penandes! I was confused and asked him why he does not wear a costume, and he said he doesn't need to.

Then I realized that he's a ghost and gave him 3 candies. Enjoy the candies Pruno!