Can jokes
I can't handle these puns...
But I can HAND you some puns!
Budum tiss!
A blind woman told her husband someone is coming. He asks how do you know, you can't see. She replies, "I can taste it."
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
Why do dogs lick their balls? Because they can.
If anyone can see Alya KUHL please tell me! I love and miss her...
Why are orphans good at math? Because they can subtract their parents from the family.
After standing in line staring at McDonald's menu for 17 minutes,
Me: "Okay, I'm ready. Can you help me not be sad all the time?"
I'm going to start taking confetti with me to therapy so when my therapist asks me, "How are you?" I can say "sad" and toss the confetti everywhere. It'll be like a real-life iMessage!
Why are 9/11 victims the fastest readers?
They can go through 100 floors in 7 seconds.
OnlyFans, but it’s me smacking your baby daddies with Twisted Tea.
Only Cans.
"Brian, can I see that paper for a sec?"
Why do cannibals love sex? They can make their own food.
People go to places to see Harry Potter live, but you can just go to the abortion place and see something disappear.
When you don't wear earrings for a long time, the hole can close, and it hurts so much when you want to put it back. 🙄🙄 😁😁😁🤣
I'm bored so can y'all ask me some questions and I have to answer them?
My pits are hairy, but my I can carry.
Period: Guess who’s back... back again...
Me: Ugh, can we not do this today?
Period: I can come back in 9 months?
Me: Keep fucking singing.
"Can I throw you away? You look like my trash can. Oh, wait, you *are* my trash can."
When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, I said: "Hey, can I borrow that?"
He says "yes." Me, over here, walking to the cashier and saying: "Goodbye!" He screams: "Have mercy!"
I say: "No, not to you, to me. Say goodbye." He says: "No, don't shoot yourself!" It was too late.
Once in 4th grade, right now, I told a random tree, "Hey, my day is bad right now, can we hang later?"
The tree said: "Yeah, we are going to be hanging every day :) !!! If you can last :)"