Can jokes
What's the difference between dark humor and normal humor?
Normal humor is ten babies and one trash can.
Dark humor is one baby and ten trash cans.
Scroll down for explanation.
Ten babies in one trash can; one baby in ten means that the baby was chopped up.
I can't handle these puns...
But I can HAND you some puns!
Budum tiss!
Q: What do a prostitute and a vacuum have in common?
A: If they stop sucking, you can smack them until they start again.
What's one thing that you can say about a train, but not your girlfriend?
Why can you rub a dog's nose in their pee when they go on the carpet but when I do the same to an Alzheimer's patient I get fired from the nursing home?
Person: So, Jimmy, what do you do all day?
Jimmy Savile: Anyone who I can do.
Being gay is the most masculine thing that is possible because only men can be gay.
My superpower is that I can create life.
Depressed person: *chokes on food*
*involuntary coughs until they can breathe*
"AWWW! I failed the race!"
Your mama is so stupid she stayed up all night so she can get some sleep.
How can you tell it's a gay barbecue?
'Cause all the hot dogs taste like shit.
I can make a living with the "Treat Yo self" budget.
Yet I can’t use the "Help yo self" budget.
Why are 9/11 victims the fastest readers?
They can go through 100 floors in 7 seconds.
I'm going to start taking confetti with me to therapy so when my therapist asks me, "How are you?" I can say "sad" and toss the confetti everywhere. It'll be like a real-life iMessage!
People go to places to see Harry Potter live, but you can just go to the abortion place and see something disappear.
Why do cannibals love sex? They can make their own food.
After standing in line staring at McDonald's menu for 17 minutes,
Me: "Okay, I'm ready. Can you help me not be sad all the time?"
When you don't wear earrings for a long time, the hole can close, and it hurts so much when you want to put it back. 🙄🙄 😁😁😁🤣
I'm bored so can y'all ask me some questions and I have to answer them?
Hey, Tanya, can I Tanya ass?