Can jokes

What's the difference between Jesus and Christmas tree lights?

They can both flash.

Doctor: I’m so sorry, sir, but you only have a couple months left.

The sir: My children will be devastated.

Doctor: But I have a shot that can change that.

The sir: Whatever it takes.

*Suppressed gunshots*

Person 1: Somebody farted.

Person 2: No, all I can smell is your breath.

Who can relate?

NOT A RICK ROLL https://youtube.com/shorts/nnEQ5aWyO9U?feature=share

Can teachers give homework to orphans?

Can you imagine The Count from Sesame Street having sex? "1 orgasm..., 2 orgasm..., 3 orgasm..., ah ah ah!"

Teacher: Can someone tell me the only living thing that can reproduce without sex?

Little Johnny: "Your wife."

One thing you can ask Mario:

"Can you jump up and down for me?"

What does a man masturbating and a mayo bottle have in common?

They can both squirt out their cum.

I was at my lecture at Oxford. Professor Albert Pessistein was leading the lecture, teaching us new equations. I asked where I can find a drink, due to my dying of thirst. He said, “big games my friend.”

He then proceeded to teach us, “The greater the Big games, the higher the Bottling!”

I was in my first space mission for NASA. As we were orbiting the asteroid belt, I saw a figure. I couldn’t tell who it was, but he spoke Spanish with an Argentinian accent. He said, “I’m looking for my freekicks and penalties, can you help me find them?” We then decided to aid him.

Did you know that an orphan can take a selfie and a family photo at the same time?

Helen Keller can use Hodled's words because they are so bad.

How can you tell that a woman is asking for sex? Wait for her to drop a bomb on you.

Dear Kenya, love of life,

Thanks for commenting on my jokes, and thanks for being a nice person to me! Love, Jaden. You can tell by the emojis 🥰😍❤️💞!

Love you a million times more!

What can hold anything on the moon? A crater.

When someone keeps talking while you are trying to focus on something, what is the rudest thing you can say to them?

SHUT UP!!!

What's an orphan's favorite sport?

Baseball, because that's the only time they can run home.

I can tell you a pun about a pencil, oh! Never mind, it’s pointless.

What always roars, but cannot talk? What always moves, but cannot walk?

A waterfall.