Can jokes
Why can Jesus walk on water?
Because rubbish floats.
I’m posting this again cuz I can and cuz it got thumbs downs and cuz I’m bored. Stop being sensitive snowflakes and get a sense of humor. Geez.
What gun isn’t allowed in Africa? A water gun.
What is a home that can fly?
A magic house!
How can you light up a candle in a ship which does not contain any instrument and you are alone with just a packet of candles?
Answer: Just throw one candle in the sea; the boat will become lighter.
Want to hear an abortion joke, or any joke for that matter? You have that option, and you can thank your mother for that.
But that's a question that will never be heard by an aborted unborn baby, whose only option was death. And that's no joke.
Me: Hey, I have candy.
Kid: Right next to me, can I have some?
Me: Some of deez nuts.
Why can't white people post jokes about making fun of black people, but black people can post jokes about making fun of white people?
Because white people have white privilege.
God- make a grumpy old man president.
Angel- why?
G- cause I said so-name him Trump.
A- okay.
G- make him not pay taxes.
A- okay...
Fast forward to 2020
G- you know that grumpy old man?
A- yea...
G- make him create a deadly virus named after a beer.
A- Krona.
G- exactly.
A- why do you hate humans so much?
G- because I can.
How many apples can you grow on a tree? All of them.
How can you tell if a pig is hot? It's bacon.
What kind of bug can tell time? A clock-roach.
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener.
It took me years to figure out the Oreos served in Lunchables are knock offs. On the cover it says “Chocolate Crème Cookies.” I’ve believed this lie for as long as I can remember. Unless they were real back then? I don’t even know at this point. They sure as hell aren’t real now!
I can tell you a pun about a pencil, oh! Never mind, it’s pointless.
I can see your cameltoe, you nasty thot!
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a tap?
The tap can run.
Q: Why can't you run through a campground?
A: You can only ran, because it's past tents!
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Yes, because a house doesn’t jump.
That one person who can never bring a smile to your face...
Until you push them down 3 flights of stairs.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Everything is black, I can't see, can you?