Your mom is so fat the space shuttle can see her from 10,000 miles away.
Name 1 way to decrease overpopulation:
Get rid of all the suicide prevention lines so the suicidal people can kill themselves.
There are 10 million million million million million million million million particles in da universe that we can observe.
Yo mama took the ugly ones and put them into one nerd.
I may not be the brightest candle on the cake, but you can still blow me.
Boss: Can I do a reference check?
Me: I don’t have a...
*sensei appears*
Me: oh no
Sensei: He was a good student, but he lacked kizma.
Boss: What's kiz...
Sensei:😈
Me: Oh no, here we go.
Sensei: Kizma AS-
It took me years to figure out the Oreos served in Lunchables are knock offs. On the cover it says “Chocolate Crème Cookies.” I’ve believed this lie for as long as I can remember. Unless they were real back then? I don’t even know at this point. They sure as hell aren’t real now!
SMG4 Mario be like in Ohio: I don’t wanna do this...
Candice everyone: Candice?
Mario: CAN DEEZ NUTS FIT IN YOUR MOUTH!
If being sexy was a crime, you can call me......... a law-abiding citizen.
Me: Can I have your chair? 💺 You: Why? Me: For charity.
"Can we do 69?"
"How about we do 9/11 since we will crash together?"
Hello. What can I get you? A knife, mustard, Marella, gorilla?
What's the difference between Batman and Robin?
Batman can go to the store without robbin'.
Y'know what's really sad?
Why break the fourth wall when you can turn the third wheel?
We were talking about ancient ruins last week, so I said they can ruin your day!
Roses are red, Violets are blue, How many bananas can I fit, Maybe two?
Friend texting fat boy: I know you're on the group chat. I can see you looking at my texts.
Me: I can only see fat.
Have you heard about my new can crushing job?
It's soda-pressing.
Hey, what's the puniest pun you can come up with?
Can I make you a basketball cake for dessert?
Yeah, you sure can, but don't be having all your balls in it. It will taste nasty.
An orphan was playing with a famous baseball player. The baseball player walks up to him and says, "Dude, I gotta teach you." The orphan goes, "Why? I got all your moves down." The baseball player goes, "But kid, you can never find home, though."
