Can jokes
Your mama is so stupid she stayed up all night so she can get some sleep.
You're so skinny, you can barely fit through a door crack.
OnlyFans, but it’s me smacking your baby daddies with Twisted Tea.
Only Cans.
I'm going to start taking confetti with me to therapy so when my therapist asks me, "How are you?" I can say "sad" and toss the confetti everywhere. It'll be like a real-life iMessage!
"Brian, can I see that paper for a sec?"
Why are 9/11 victims the fastest readers?
They can go through 100 floors in 7 seconds.
Why do cannibals love sex? They can make their own food.
After standing in line staring at McDonald's menu for 17 minutes,
Me: "Okay, I'm ready. Can you help me not be sad all the time?"
What’s one food orphans can eat?
Homemade.
My pits are hairy, but my I can carry.
Period: Guess who’s back... back again...
Me: Ugh, can we not do this today?
Period: I can come back in 9 months?
Me: Keep fucking singing.
"Can I throw you away? You look like my trash can. Oh, wait, you *are* my trash can."
Once in 4th grade, right now, I told a random tree, "Hey, my day is bad right now, can we hang later?"
The tree said: "Yeah, we are going to be hanging every day :) !!! If you can last :)"
When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, I said: "Hey, can I borrow that?"
He says "yes." Me, over here, walking to the cashier and saying: "Goodbye!" He screams: "Have mercy!"
I say: "No, not to you, to me. Say goodbye." He says: "No, don't shoot yourself!" It was too late.
Teacher: Ok kids, time to go home.
The orphan: What is home?
Teacher: Here, I have somewhere for you.
*puts in trash can*
Why do orphans never use other people's Wi-Fi?
So they can be connected.
Your mom is so fat nobody can compare her to anything.
What do you call a disabled person that can walk?
Enabled.
Why do I love a block? Because I can fall off the stairs.
Can anyone play me in a no limits femdom RP on Kik?