Can jokes

What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener.

How many apples can you grow on a tree? All of them.

What kind of bug can tell time? A clock-roach.

What’s the difference between Diana and Casper the ghost?

Casper can go through walls, Diana can't.

Q: Why can't you run through a campground?

A: You can only ran, because it's past tents!

I think I might apply for a job cleaning mirrors.

It’s a job I can see myself doing.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Everything is black, I can't see, can you?

That one person who can never bring a smile to your face...

Until you push them down 3 flights of stairs.

Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Yes, because a house doesn’t jump.

What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a tap?

The tap can run.

I can tell you a pun about a pencil, oh! Never mind, it’s pointless.

I was watching a TV show where a guy was hanging off a cliff, then the series ended... I guess you can say that they left that guy on a cliffhanger!

How can you tell if a pig is hot? It's bacon.

How can you tell when a comic passes gas? Something smells funny.

I can see your cameltoe, you nasty thot!

Have you heard the word of the day? It’s "legs".

Now, let’s go back to my place and I can spread them.

Some people think emo jokes are funny, but I think it can cut both ways.

Jack and Jill went up the hill so they can fetch some pee. Jack fell down and broke his whole body. Jill just laughed and didn’t care, so now they have a daughter.

A rich man and a poor man are talking about anniversaries. The rich man got his wife a Mercedes and a diamond ring. He says if the wife does not like the ring, she can take the Mercedes and leave.

The poor man said he got his wife slippers and a dildo. He says if his wife does not like the slippers, she can go and fuck herself.

What's the difference between a midget and a tall person? Only one of them can ride the rides.