Can jokes
Doctor: I’m so sorry, sir, but you only have a couple months left.
The sir: My children will be devastated.
Doctor: But I have a shot that can change that.
The sir: Whatever it takes.
*Suppressed gunshots*
What's an orphan's favorite sport?
Baseball, because that's the only time they can run home.
What can hold anything on the moon? A crater.
When someone keeps talking while you are trying to focus on something, what is the rudest thing you can say to them?
SHUT UP!!!
What always roars, but cannot talk? What always moves, but cannot walk?
A waterfall.
Memes
What's the funniest joke ever?
Rapboat thinking he can rap.
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener.
How many apples can you grow on a tree? All of them.
What kind of bug can tell time? A clock-roach.
What’s the difference between Diana and Casper the ghost?
Casper can go through walls, Diana can't.
Q: Why can't you run through a campground?
A: You can only ran, because it's past tents!
I think I might apply for a job cleaning mirrors.
It’s a job I can see myself doing.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Everything is black, I can't see, can you?
That one person who can never bring a smile to your face...
Until you push them down 3 flights of stairs.
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Yes, because a house doesn’t jump.
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a tap?
The tap can run.
I can tell you a pun about a pencil, oh! Never mind, it’s pointless.
I was watching a TV show where a guy was hanging off a cliff, then the series ended... I guess you can say that they left that guy on a cliffhanger!
How can you tell if a pig is hot? It's bacon.
How can you tell when a comic passes gas? Something smells funny.