Can jokes
Armless guy: Even though I don’t have arms, I can do anything you normal people can do.
Me: 🎵If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands! 🎶
Me: Can I have your chair? 💺 You: Why? Me: For charity.
My wife (or husband) told me to get six cans of Sprite from the grocery store.
I had just realized when I got home that I had picked up 7-Up.
What is the difference between Batman and a black man?
Batman can go out at night without Robin.
When it's cold outside, men can cut ice in three places.
So my sis thinks she's so smart. She said, "You can finish this move ten minutes later. Go to sleep."
Why is it that when Donald Trump and Melania make love, she is always on top?
Donald Trump can only F@#k up.
Even your mother can never fix your hairline, just God.
"If you can make them laugh and giggle, you can make their booty shake and jiggle."
What is the most annoying thing your parents say to you, and what is the dumbest thing someone can say that annoys you?
The most annoying thing your parents can say: "Finish your dinner, there are starving kids in Africa!" No, you can't have any dessert until you finish your dinner. (See how annoying that is!)
The dumbest thing someone can say that annoys you: "Why is your name Crayla? Why is your last name Goldburg? Is it like a gold bird!" (That is really annoying if you ask me!)
Thanks for reading this...bye!
Pro tip kids, you CAN hit an orphan because they can't cry to their parents!
A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?" "Yes," replies the murderer, "Can you please hold my hand?"
Can teachers give homework to orphans?
How do you find a redneck virgin?
Just look for a 4-year-old. They can run faster than her brothers.
Orphan: "I get all the A pluses and y'all bad!"
And then I told him: "If you feel so special, try telling your parents. You can't, can you?"
Boy: "Why can't you get a family?"
Me: "Why can't you get a rope?"
Boy: "What do you mean?"
Friend and me: "We can show you."
Me: "I will tie the rope."
Friend: "I will push the chair."
How many black people does it take to change a lightbulb in the middle of the night?
I don't know, I can never see them.
Boss: Can I do a reference check?
Me: I don’t have a...
*sensei appears*
Me: oh no
Sensei: He was a good student, but he lacked kizma.
Boss: What's kiz...
Sensei:😈
Me: Oh no, here we go.
Sensei: Kizma AS-
Doctor: I’m so sorry, sir, but you only have a couple months left.
The sir: My children will be devastated.
Doctor: But I have a shot that can change that.
The sir: Whatever it takes.
*Suppressed gunshots*
Listen, my friends say I am gay, but I tell them I am not because I am not happy. In fact, I have no life. You are my friend. I trust you with my life. Now, can you take it?