Can jokes

One day, this dad and his son went to a basketball factory, and the son said, "I want to buy some balls." The dad said, "What for?" The son said, "So you can have some balls."

What is the one spray that can kill midgets? Bug spray.

Why can Jesus walk on water?

Because rubbish floats.

I’m posting this again cuz I can and cuz it got thumbs downs and cuz I’m bored. Stop being sensitive snowflakes and get a sense of humor. Geez.

What gun isn’t allowed in Africa? A water gun.

How can you light up a candle in a ship which does not contain any instrument and you are alone with just a packet of candles?

Answer: Just throw one candle in the sea; the boat will become lighter.

Me: Hey, I have candy.

Kid: Right next to me, can I have some?

Me: Some of deez nuts.

Why can't white people post jokes about making fun of black people, but black people can post jokes about making fun of white people?

Because white people have white privilege.

What is a home that can fly?

A magic house!

God- make a grumpy old man president.

Angel- why?

G- cause I said so-name him Trump.

A- okay.

G- make him not pay taxes.

A- okay...

Fast forward to 2020

G- you know that grumpy old man?

A- yea...

G- make him create a deadly virus named after a beer.

A- Krona.

G- exactly.

A- why do you hate humans so much?

G- because I can.

How can you tell when a comic passes gas? Something smells funny.

What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener.

How many apples can you grow on a tree? All of them.

How can you tell if a pig is hot? It's bacon.

What kind of bug can tell time? A clock-roach.

Have you heard the word of the day? It’s "legs".

Now, let’s go back to my place and I can spread them.

I can see your cameltoe, you nasty thot!

It took me years to figure out the Oreos served in Lunchables are knock offs. On the cover it says “Chocolate Crème Cookies.” I’ve believed this lie for as long as I can remember. Unless they were real back then? I don’t even know at this point. They sure as hell aren’t real now!

That one person who can never bring a smile to your face...

Until you push them down 3 flights of stairs.

What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a tap?

The tap can run.

Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Yes, because a house doesn’t jump.