Can jokes
Your forehead is so big that babies can use it as a full-sized football pitch!
Hey! This site has a home page, but I wonder if the orphans can see it.
Roses are red, violets are blue,
FBI wants my penis, can I hide it in you?
How many children can you fit in a box?
Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.
When you have to get your prostate checked and you can feel the cold rubber of the glove, but you realize both the doctor's hands are on your shoulders.
Shaenaya is single, 16, and looking for a 30 year old man that can pleasure her, huh?
There once was a bear and a rabbit, and they hated each other.
The bear and rabbit then stumbled upon a mystical talking tree. The tree said: “I can give you 3 wishes each if you will stop fighting!”
So the bear went first. “I wish all the bears inside the forest are ladies.” And all the bears within the forest became females.
The rabbit said: “I wish I had a helmet.” Rabbit gets the helmet, and the bear looks at him funny.
The bear wishes: “I wish all the bears in the United States are ladies.” The wish was granted.
The rabbit says, “I wish I’ve a bike.” By this point, the bear thinks the rabbit is the stupidest thing he’s ever seen. The rabbit could wish for cash and have all the bikes in the world.
The bear says: “I wish all the bears inside the world are women.” The wish is granted.
While it’s the rabbit’s turn to wish, he puts on his helmet, gets on his bike, and says: “I wish that bear is gay.”
The good thing about being gay in school is that you can be the best student and still get all the D's.
Why is April the smartest month?
It can never be fooled.
Why is a ghost so predictable?
Because you can see right through it.
Bitch, I can make orange rhyme with banana.
BORNANA
Chuck Norris can make a fire with two ice cubes.
What’s one thing you can say during a wedding and in bed?
I didn’t know we were having seafood tonight!
Is Stephen Hawking under warranty? If so, can I bring him back to Currys PC World?
- What do you call a dog that can do magic?
- A labracadabrador.
Blonde: Can I suck you off? (has STDs on mouth)
Me: Naw (drake turn/dab)
A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him. Everyone else in the room stops to listen:
Man: Hello? Woman: Hi honey, it's me. Are you at the club? Man: Yes. Woman: I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man: Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman: I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man: How much? Woman: $90,000. Man: Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman: Great! Oh, and one more thing... I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market... they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man: I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman: OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man: I love you to.
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.
The man turns around and says: “Anyone know whose phone this is?”
You can find perfectly cooked Kobe in a Japanese restaurant, but you can only find burnt Kobe in Calabasas.
I remember I met an orphan. He asked, "Can I suck your thumb?" I said, "Why?" Because "that'd be pig."
What’s something you can say to a waiter, but not your wife?
"Does this come with anything?"