Teacher said, "You never do your homework," so I shot her 7 times with a M1 BushDid911 and replied, "It's all in my backpack, can you grade it please?"
Can Jokes
How can you get 3 homos to sit on one barstool?
Turn it upside down.
If reincarnation is correct, if you die now, you can be reborn and live a second life. If you were born in Ukraine, you can immediately live a third life.
What do you call a duck that can fix anything? Duck tape.
Did you know you can slap an orphan all you want, because what are they gonna do, tell their parents?
What thing can an orphan do best?
Stay at home alone.
Orphans can be a robber if they want because their parents won't be disappointed.
Momma's so fat, she can use her belly button as a breakfast bowl.
Me: Mom, can I have some makeup?
Mom: No. You are beautiful just the way you are.
Me: So that’s why you wear makeup?
You can play Jenga in two places now: New York and Miami (Chaplin Towers.) They probably have Jenga tournaments there every year.
Q: Why can emos wear dog collars at school, but people can't wear hats? WTF school!
Lady: "Can I lick your balls?"
Me: "Ummmmm, ok?"
Lady: *grabs ball sack and licks my balls*
Me: "I'm gonna have to clean these now!"
Lady: "Let me do that."
Me: "No, thank you! I have to use these baseballs for practice!"
What's the difference between a blowjob and cough syrup?
They can both give you relief and make you gag at the same time.
Orphan: Can I go outside?
Coworker at orphanage: Go ask your mom.
Orphan: WAWAWAWAWAW
Your Mom is so fat, she could be Trump's border wall.
Hey Ryan, what do you call a wall so large no man can conquer?
Answer: Ryan's forehead.
What's an orphan's least favorite show? Family Guy ;)
It’s not like they can watch it anyway: it’s PG.
How many skinny people can fit in a tub? I don't know; they keep slipping down the drain.
Wife: [Looks] in the mirror. Wife: I look fat, can you say something positive? Husband: At least your eyes work.
What does a blind man crying and an unplugged TV have in common?
Nothing can be seen when they get turned on.
