Can jokes

Teach a Scouser to fish and he can eat for a day.

Give him the rod and he will stick it in your letterbox and nick your car keys!

Can I pin your corpse to a tree?

Can I ask you a question? Nut now!

You can assume a horse is called a great jumper when the horse’s name is “Polo Neck”.

I have trash so I throw it at my sister and say that she is a trash can.

I had morning wood one day. Then my sister saw it and said, "I can help!"

Why do orphans pick apples? Because that's the only thing they can pick.

Why does the singer put a radio in her fridge?

Because she can listen to call music.

Teacher said, "You never do your homework," so I shot her 7 times with a M1 BushDid911 and replied, "It's all in my backpack, can you grade it please?"

How can you get 3 homos to sit on one barstool?

Turn it upside down.

If reincarnation is correct, if you die now, you can be reborn and live a second life. If you were born in Ukraine, you can immediately live a third life.

What do you call a duck that can fix anything? Duck tape.

Did you know you can slap an orphan all you want, because what are they gonna do, tell their parents?

What thing can an orphan do best?

Stay at home alone.

Orphans can be a robber if they want because their parents won't be disappointed.

Momma's so fat, she can use her belly button as a breakfast bowl.

Me: Mom, can I have some makeup?

Mom: No. You are beautiful just the way you are.

Me: So that’s why you wear makeup?

You can play Jenga in two places now: New York and Miami (Chaplin Towers.) They probably have Jenga tournaments there every year.

Q: Why can emos wear dog collars at school, but people can't wear hats? WTF school!

Lady: "Can I lick your balls?"

Me: "Ummmmm, ok?"

Lady: *grabs ball sack and licks my balls*

Me: "I'm gonna have to clean these now!"

Lady: "Let me do that."

Me: "No, thank you! I have to use these baseballs for practice!"