Can jokes
A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.
The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed."
The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong."
The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"
An SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, "Can I join you?"
Why doesn't Mexico compete in the Olympics?
Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump, and swim are in the U.S.
Most people think an octopus has 8 legs.
Actually, they have 6 legs and 2 arms. How can you tell which are the arms?
Hit it on the head. The two that go up to the head when he says "Owwww" are his arms.
What's the difference between PMS and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with the terrorist.
How does a prostitute make more than a drug dealer?
Because she can clean her crack and sell it again.
How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?
Ask them to pronounce "unionized".
What's the cheapest kind of meat you can buy?
Deer balls. They're under a buck.
What STD can you get from phone sex?
Hearing AIDS.
What's the most fun a monk can have?
Nun.
What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?
"Wait, I can explain everything!"
What did the leper say to the prostitute?
You can keep the tip.
Who do you want on your basketball team in heaven?
Peter. He can deny Jesus three times.
What's big, green, has four legs, and if it falls out of a tree, it can kill you?
A pool table.
What does a Mexican Highlander say?
"There can be only Juan!"