Can jokes

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple, but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.

I've just started reading my first ever Braille horror story, and I think that something scary is about to happen. I can feel it.

What's the best part of dating a homeless girl?

You can drop her off anywhere.

Chuck Norris once heard nothing can kill him. So he tracked down nothing and killed it.

Can a match box? No, but a tin can.

Can February march? -- No, but April may.

How many animals can jump higher than a skyscraper? -- All of them, skyscrapers can't jump.

Where can you find some of the world's largest vegetables? -- In an American nursing home.

Who can shave 20 times a day and still have a beard? -- A barber.

What kind of dog can do magic tricks?

A labracadabrador.

How can you tell if your wife is dead? -- The sex is the same, but the dishes start piling up.

You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.

English is weird. It can be understood through tough, thorough thought, though.

What's the difference between tuna, a piano and glue?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.

To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide, but you can't run.

I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand. -- It's seven.

What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? -- Canned food.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

"Chuck? How many push-ups can you do?" -- "All of them."