Came jokes

I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.

Me: Do you eat your cereal with water? You: No, why? Me: 'Cause your dad never came back with the milk!

A police officer came up to me and said, "Just why, why would you bring the epileptic children to a laser tag fight?"

My husband told me he just came into a lot of money.

Weird, he usually uses a sock.

American soldier: "Did you come here to die?"

Australian soldier: "Nah mate, I came 'ere yesterdie."

I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.

It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!

A husband came back from a business trip and found out that his wife was pregnant. At first, he got a bit suspicious, but then he just ignored it and hugged his wife with happiness. The second when he met his friend and told him the news, the friend just said, "Wait, what? I thought she was on pills!"

This dad went out hunting, he killed a deer. He came home and he and his wife decided to have it for dinner but not tell their kids. Instead, they made them guess. The dad said, "It's something that daddy calls mommy." The little girl yells to her brother, "Don't eat it! It's an ass!"

My mom told me to make my dad smile, and she will give me $100, so I said, "The Cowboys are gonna win the Super Bowl." He smiled, but my mom didn't give it to me.

Anyways, I forgot about my package coming, and the mailman came, and I said, "I like your hat; teal looks nice on you," and he smiled, and my mom gave me $100.

This bunny named Mason came up to a bar and ordered a beer and a burger. He sits at a table and the waiter brought a huge burger.

Mason: "Heh. Good thing I eat like a horse." He looks up at the waiter.

Waiter: "You are a nasty little bunny, aren't you?"

Mason screamed and ran away as the waiter chased him... she was a HORSE.

Your mama so ugly, when Santa Claus came to her house and saw her, he said, "HO HO HOLY SHIT THAT'S ONE UGLY BITCH!"

A man can form Jupiter girls came from Venus, and other genders came right from Uranus.

My boss said she would've loved to meet Bill Cosby as a child. I don't get why I'm getting arrested. I was just making sure his dream came true.

Little Johnny said he wanted a coffee, so his mom said he can have one.

He got an espresso, not knowing "depresso" came with it.

The Twin Towers ordered a pepperoni pizza, but it came plain.

I just came across a pile of cash in the parking lot.

Usually I just use tissues.

Why is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman's stomach but never the man's balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations?

Why don't orphans drink milk?

'Cause their parents have not came back with it yet.

What is the difference between an orphan and a deaf kid?

They can't hear or speak to their parents that never came back.

*WARNING* THIS WILL NEVER GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD - READ IF YOU DARE.....

What came first? The chicken or the egg?

Which came first? The color orange or the fruit?

Who taught the first ever teacher?

If you expect the unexpected, doesn't that make the unexpected expected?

If you describe something as 'indescribable', then haven't you already described it?

In the word 'scent', is the silent letter the 's' or the 'ce'?

Why do your lips touch when they say the word 'separate', but don't touch when you say the word 'together'?

How many photos do you think you could be in the background of?

The guy who discovered cow milk, what was he doing with that cow?

Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, "Oh no, it's a cop"?

Is it possible to cry underwater?

If two left handers have an argument, who is right?

I warned you!! You just didn't listen.... :O