Came jokes
My husband told me he just came into a lot of money.
Weird, he usually uses a sock.
Mom: Go clean your room, Little Johnny.
Little Johnny: No, itâs my room.
Mom: Well, itâs my house.
Little Johnny: Then go clean it.
Mom: Go to school!
At school:
Teacher: Hi, Little Johnny. Youâre late.
Little Johnny: Watch because my son of a bitch mom told me to clean her room. I told her no, itâs my room, and then she said, 'Well, itâs my house.' Then I said, 'Go clean it,' and then she told me to go to school.
Teacher: Johnny, go to the principalâs office! You just came into school and now you're causing trouble. Go!
Putin: You came from the West and showered me with gifts.
Trump: And your prostitutes, they showered me with piss.
I was watching TV with my brother, and a diabetes commercial came on saying, "I have type one diabetes, and I manage it well."
My brother said, "You want a cookie?"
I was watching TV with my brother, and a diabetes commercial came on saying, "I have type one diabetes, and I manage it well." My brother said, "You want a sugar cookie?"
Why do Black people dip their Oreos in water?
Because daddy never came back home with the milk.
The time when Michael Jackson came in his pajamas during the trial. Whether or not it was because he saw a 7-year-old boy has yet to be determined.
I just found out I'm colorblind. News came out of the purple.
My mom came to me and shouted, "Nobody is giving me a fuck." So I went forward and fucked her!
My girlfriend's sister told me to write her a poem. This is what I came up with:
roses are red, violets are blue, if you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.
Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll?
Ken came in another box.
We're gonna have to kill
no good Jack and Jill.
Theyâre draining the economy doooown!
Theyâve spent our budget on weed
and lube to spill Jackâs seed.
Theyâve ruined our wonderful town!
We're gonna have to kill
no good Jack and Jill.
They have no moralityyyy.
Theyâre spreading degeneracy.
We ain't what we used to be.
Weâve got to kill ol' no good Jack and Jill!
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water,
but then they stopped at the tippy top to smoke some marijuana.
They went to the store, and got some more, to fetch a âfewâ more beers.
Next day they came, ran off again, repeat for 24 years.
Weâre gonna have to kill
no good Jack and Jill!
Theyâve banked off buying boooze!
Theyâll drink and sell the price
at the original times thrice.
Corruption wins, the avg. folkâll loseee.
Weâre gonna have to kill
no good Jack and Jill.
Their kidsâre in the business tooo!
Theyâre draining all our banks.
Give 'em well deserved spanks.
Weâve got to kill ol' no good Jack and Jill.
Jack and Jill Netflix and chilled and made a grave mistaake.
What a blunder, there was no rubber, now theyâre a house of eeiiight!
A bolt went off, they opened shop to resell their porn and lean.
It all went swell, but for us, well, weâre now an oligarchy!
WEâLL KILL OL' JACK AND JILL!
I walked up to some Arabs and said "Alawakba," then here came the second tower.
Iâve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.
Itâs a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled âIbuprofenâ though, and really, Iâm starting to feel a little sick. The bottleâs almost empty though, so itâs time to get some more!
Kid: What is an orphan's favorite breakfast?
Teacher: What?
Kid: Fruity Pebbles with water.
Teacher: Why water?
Kid: 'Cause his dad never came back with the milk.
My two friends came to me one day and said they had the best blowjob that they ever had from my little sister. So I ask my sister, "Is it true that you gave my friends blowjobs?" She said yes.
My sister asked me, "Do you want one?" I said yeah. My sister gave me a blowjob and wow, just like my friends, it was the best blowjob that I ever had. As an older brother, I couldn't be more prouder.
Kelly Clarkson wants to be Rosie O'Donnell so badly. Too bad Kelly is the "Queen of Incest" and not the "Queen of Nice".
(And Kelly came from a sundown town in the Deep South, and not from Long Island.)
why are people in japan so slim? because the last time a fatman came, they lost half their population.
Why does Japan not allow little boys to run?
Because the last time a little boy came, Japan lost a state.
Me: Do you eat your cereal with water? You: No, why? Me: 'Cause your dad never came back with the milk!