once there were three girls taking a walk in the mountains. one was a brunette, one was a redhead, and the other was a dumb blonde. they came to a cliff and the brunette said "if you jump off that cliff and say what you want to be you will become it" so the brunette jumped off and said falcon and became a falcon. the redhead jumped off and said eagle and became an eagle. the dumb blonde ran, was about to jump but tripped on a rock, and said "crap"
Kid: Dad where are you going
Dad: To get milk
TEN YEARS LATER
Kids friend: wheres your dad
Kid: he went to get milk but never came back
Little Jonny just came back from quarantine with his girlfriend Sally. They both said they had to go to the bathroom. When they came back Sally was coughing up a storm. The teacher said you need to be quarantined again. No sally said I was just in the bathroom choking on something that grown-ups especially women like. Then the teacher faints.
me: do you eat your cereal with water? you: no why? me: cuz your dad never came back with the milk
why does japan not allow little boys run. buz the last time a little boy came japan lost a state
there was one kid that came home from school and asked his mom what dark humor was? she said well son do you see that guy over there across the road, go give him a high-five. Son said but I can't see. mom said that's the point
A teenager went into a creepy house with his 3 friends on 2 came out where are the others?
(getting brutaly murdered)
My disabled friend rolled into a burning orphanage and saved lots of kids when he came out the kids tried to play with him because his wheels were on fire , they called him hot wheels
You know I used to call my dogs balls the twin towers until they came rumbling down
A girl came to my house she said where’s your parents I started crying
My son came up to me and said “mom, where are your parents?” I stared in confusion i said “in a far place.” He asked “In and orphanage?”
How to improve my beloved Penchester United in 5 easy steps:
1. Sell Casemeiro 🤑 2. Sell Pernandes 🤑 3. Sell Bencho 🤑 4. Sell Trashford 🤑 5. Terminate penaldo 🤑 6. Make Mctominay extend his deal 📝
These came down deep from my heart don’t let me down again, please.
I don’t see what the problem is.
The Supreme Court came up with a solution to the tampon shortage, yet all the liberals are pissed!
Yo dad's so stupid he came back after he got the milk.
Two friends were walking in a forest they started to fight. A cannibal came and shouted food fight!
I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere
A police officer came up to me and said just why why would you bring the epileptic children to a laser tag fight
A husband came back from business trip and found out that she was pregnant at first he got a bit suspicious but then he just ignore And hugs his wife with happiness the second when he meet his friend and tell him the news the friend just said " wait what I thought she was on pill"
This dad went out hunting, he killed a deer. He came home and he and his wife decided to have it for dinner but not tell their kids. Instead, they made them guess. The dad said "It's something that daddy calls mommy" The little girl yells to her brother "Don't eat it! It's an ass!"
my mom told me to make my dad smile and she will give me $100, so i said ''the cowboys are gonna win the superbowl'' he smiled but my mom didn't give it to me, anyways i forgot about my package coming and the mailman came and i said ''i like your hat teal looks nice on you'' and he smiled and my mom gave me $100.
