Call jokes

There was a man. He came home with his friends from the bar and man was he ever wasted! Their friends made sure to get him home safely. The next morning, he woke up and found blood all over his nightstand. He called his friends and asked for his alarm clock back.

What do you call a vegan cow?

A vegan cow. :/

OR

A regular cow. 🐄🙌

How do you call a black pilot?

A pilot, you racist.

True Story

A CO was receiving inmates as they're being recalled from their assigned jobs to prepare for count. An inmate that had passed the officer returned bleeding through his trousers from his crotch. The inmate had an argument with his lover who had told him that he wasn't enough woman for him. As the inmate was bleeding he was crying out, "He doesn't love me anymore!"

The officer called for medical assistance and went into the assigned cell. He found the severed penis. He fished it out of the toilet and placed it in a plastic bag with ice. He claimed that the medical staff at the hospital could reattach it. He took a ribbing from his fellow officers, because most would've flushed it. I retired and months later saw a fellow officer at the store. As we caught up, I mentioned that the last incident I responded to was 'the severed penis.' The officer tells me that the inmate severed his penis again after it was reattached and flushed it himself.

Can people please shut up about "male privileges"? There is no right that men have that women don't.

Women have the right to genital integrity. Women can vote without having to sign up for the draft.

Women have the right to choose parenthood; men do not.

Women have the right to be assumed caregivers for children.

Women have the right to call unwanted, coerced sex rape.

Women have the right to lower jail sentences for the same crime.

Women have the right to not be assumed sexual predators.

Women have the right to government departments that solely serve their interests. They also have the luxury of "women only" events that men cannot even dream of. (They even took the boy scouts away from us.)

Women have the right to government-enforced gender quotas.

Women have the right to exclusive tax benefits for being a business owner.

Women have the right to domestic violence shelters.

Women have the right to not be assumed the primary aggressor in a domestic dispute.

Women have the right to rape a man or boy, and if she gets pregnant from that man/boy, they can sue him for child support.

So it is women who have more rights.

So shut up, feminists, please.

Did you hear they found a cure for autism? It's called Zyklon B.

Light it up blue 🔵

A girl named Rebecca was friends with a guy called Fi. One day, Fi hit Rebecca, and Rebecca lost service.

Rebecca said to Fi, "Why-Fi?"

A father and son duo are sitting at a table, eating breakfast. The father looks at the child and says, "I'm hungry." The child looks at the father and replies, "Hi Hungry, I'm Son." The father calls his father and asks why he was named Hungry.

Who does Adolph Hitler call in an emergency?

Nein, nein, nein!

What do you call an Indian person who is not starving? Dead.

One day a Chief was talking to his son... "Son," the father said, "Long ago the Woman didn't have anybody to take her to BINGO. So, the Creator put the Woman to sleep and cut off her butt cheeks and made her a Man. That's why today Indian Women have no butt, and the Men are called Buttheads!"

What do you call a swearing piece of shit?

Cus-turd.

What do you call a booty that can do magic?

A butt trick!

What do you call a peso?

A wetback greenback.

What do you call a terrorist in a bath?

A bath bomb.

What do you call 2 nuns and a prostitute that play football?

Two tight ends and a wide receiver.

Do you know that foundation called "Autism Speaks"?

No, it screeches.

What do you call two old men drooling in their wheelchairs?

The 2028 US election.

What do you call an artist with a brown finger?

Picasshole.

What do you call a booty that tells jokes?

A crack-up!