Call jokes
There was a man. He came home with his friends from the bar and man was he ever wasted! Their friends made sure to get him home safely. The next morning, he woke up and found blood all over his nightstand. He called his friends and asked for his alarm clock back.
What do you call a guy on fire in a wheelchair?
Hot wheels.
What do you call an abo with a shotgun?
Sir.
J0K35 (me): So I heard China recently released a snack.
Guy: Oh, what is it?
J0K35: They call it the Asian Raisin.
Guy: Isn't that what RiceGum was when he released Frick da police?
What did the cow say to the cheese? I am your father.
What do you call a cow that's laying down? Ground Beef.
True Story
A CO was receiving inmates as they're being recalled from their assigned jobs to prepare for count. An inmate that had passed the officer returned bleeding through his trousers from his crotch. The inmate had an argument with his lover who had told him that he wasn't enough woman for him. As the inmate was bleeding he was crying out, "He doesn't love me anymore!"
The officer called for medical assistance and went into the assigned cell. He found the severed penis. He fished it out of the toilet and placed it in a plastic bag with ice. He claimed that the medical staff at the hospital could reattach it. He took a ribbing from his fellow officers, because most would've flushed it. I retired and months later saw a fellow officer at the store. As we caught up, I mentioned that the last incident I responded to was 'the severed penis.' The officer tells me that the inmate severed his penis again after it was reattached and flushed it himself.
A hot woman called "Jessie" was showering when the phone rang.
Jessie was upset because the phone wouldn't stop ringing, and she goes out naked from the bathroom to answer the phone in the hall.
Jessie on the phone: 《Hello? 》
The one on the phone: 《Oh hi, I'm Jeff, I just wanted to tell you don't go out from your bathroom naked next time because my brother is behind you right now trying to rape you.》
Jessie: 《Stop it my sister! This is the 10th time you do this cringe joke! It gets boring!》
But sadly it wasn't a joke, and she cried a lot that night and learned how not to go out naked from the bathroom again.
A girl named Rebecca was friends with a guy called Fi. One day, Fi hit Rebecca, and Rebecca lost service.
Rebecca said to Fi, "Why-Fi?"
Did you hear they found a cure for autism? It's called Zyklon B.
Light it up blue 🔵
A father and son duo are sitting at a table, eating breakfast. The father looks at the child and says, "I'm hungry." The child looks at the father and replies, "Hi Hungry, I'm Son." The father calls his father and asks why he was named Hungry.
Who does Adolph Hitler call in an emergency?
Nein, nein, nein!
What do you call an Indian person who is not starving? Dead.
One day a Chief was talking to his son... "Son," the father said, "Long ago the Woman didn't have anybody to take her to BINGO. So, the Creator put the Woman to sleep and cut off her butt cheeks and made her a Man. That's why today Indian Women have no butt, and the Men are called Buttheads!"
What do you call a swearing piece of shit?
Cus-turd.
Why do they call matches, matches?
They all look the same.
What do you call a peso?
A wetback greenback.
What do you call 2 nuns and a prostitute that play football?
Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
What do you call a booty that can do magic?
A butt trick!
What do you call an artist with a brown finger?
Picasshole.
What do you call a booty that tells jokes?
A crack-up!