Call jokes

Why do you call a pineapple a pineapple?

Because it is a pineapple, pin, apple, apple, pen, doudodo.

What do you call a gold digger?

A miner.

What did the cow call its own life? An udder mistake.

What do you call a fat Indian that is actually a machine?

The "curry muncher 2000."

What do you call a person in America that is not a retard?

A foreign exchange student.

What is the best way to kill a special ed kid?

Call them retarded.

What do you call a blonde who's dyed her hair brunette?

Artificial intelligence.

What is a group of disabled people in a coma called?

A salad.

Why do we call them dead bodies? Nobody says "alive bodies!" Like you walk into your workplace, "OMFG IT'S FULL OF BODIES! Alive ones, though." You wouldn't give birth and say, "Come on, husband, help me with the bodies." If it's a surprise party, you wouldn't say, "QUICK, HIDE THE BODIES!" And the person who the party was for wouldn't say "OH MY GOD WHY ARE THEY DEAD!"

What do you call a rabbit who is really cool?

An old man gets a call from the IRS.

The man on the phone says, “We’ve noticed large sums of money coming in and going out of your account constantly, and we gotta get this straight. Come in tomorrow and we’ll have a chat about this.” The old man thinks for a while and then decides he better get his lawyer to come with him.

The next day the old man and his lawyer show up to the IRS office, and the man there says, ”So we’ve noticed these large sums of money entering and leaving your account nonstop. Can you explain this?” The man replies, ”Well, I will bet on pretty much anything. Like this! I bet you 10,000 I can bite my own eye.” The agent takes the bet, and the man takes out his glass eye and bites it. He then says, ”Wait. I’ll give you a chance to earn your money back, and more! I bet you 20,000 I can bite my other eye.” The agent thinks a minute and realizing the man isn’t blind, takes the bet. The old man takes out his false teeth and bites his other eye. He then says, ”Alright, last chance. I bet you 50,000 I can stand on this side of your office and pee into that wastebasket on the opposite side without getting a drop anywhere in between.” The agent thinks real hard but decides it’s impossible, so takes the bet. The man unzips his pants and pees all over the IRS agent’s desk. The agent jumps up and down and says, “Haha! I got you now!” But the man's lawyer goes pale in the face, sinks his head in his hands, and says, “He bet me 100,000 on the way over here that he could piss all over your desk and you’d just love it!”

Why do I call my priest daddy?

Because he raped my mom when she was 13. She's 27 now.

What do you call a cow with three legs?

My ex.

Why is a nun called a nun?

'Cause they ain't supposed to get none ;)

Did you hear about the new Pixar movie? It's about cancer patients. It's called "Finding Kemo."

What do you call the Christian version of Donald Trump? Holy shit!

Q: What do you call America in a year? A: A wasteland.

The next time you get a sack call, pick up the phone and say, "Welcome to Pete's pizzeria and abortion clinic. Your loss is next week's sauce. How may we help you?"

Me and my friend roasting each other.

Friend: You look like a baboon.

Me: Stop talking, you look like a gorilla, so I might call animal control on you and I'll be seeing you at the zoo!

If it is called a forehead, what happened to the five-head, six-head, and seven-head?