Call jokes
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing.
They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing, then his friend calls and he is groaning. He said he was having cramps, so the husband tells the doctor, "Doc, turn it up to 40%!" So he does, and his friend throws up, so he said, "Doc, turn it up to 100%!" and his friend dies.
What do you call a masturbating cow?
Beef stroganoff.
Americans are so fat that they named an atom bomb "Fat Man" to describe themselves.
What do you call the United States of America under a Joe Biden presidency?
Answer: The Democratic People’s Socialist States of America. We're still America, just a different kind of America. And that’s no joke. 😔
On the fourth month (Symbolizing 41%) on the first day, transgenders mourn for the trans suicides.
That day is called "April Fool's."
wtf is my fyp
What do you call the bear that pushes all the other bears into the pool?
The dry bear.
What do you call a pig in a farm?
- A pig in a farm.
What do you call a person whose Lymphoma keeps recurring?
A Lymphomaniac.
What do you call a group of special ed kids with guns? Special forces.
What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
Full.
What do you call a cow that doesn't produce any milk? An udder failure.
What is it called when you whoop a donkey?
A whooped ass and apparently some people get that everyday from their drunk dads.
So, a bus crashes, killing everyone on the bus, and God feels so bad that He gives each one a wish.
The first person comes up, and she wants to be beautiful, so God makes her beautiful, and she goes into Heaven. The next person comes up, and he says, "I want to be beautiful as well." As this goes on, the last man in the back begins laughing a little, everyone becoming beautiful, until God asked the last person what they want, and he said, "I want everyone in front of me to be ugly again!" So God had to call the based department and gave him everything that last guy wanted.
What do you call a Russian rifle that went 1 rank down?
An AK-46.
What do you call a country who needs another race just to be the best country in sports?
America.
What do you call a fat woman that prays?
A holy cow.
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta!
1. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A dino-snore!
2. What is fast, loud, and crunchy?
A rocket chip!
3. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because she was stuffed!
4. What has ears but cannot hear?
A cornfield!
5. What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between us, something smells!
What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection?
Quarter pounder with cheese.
So Jesus has been nailed to the cross.
On the first day, he starts to moan, "Peter, Peter!"
Well, Peter hears Jesus moaning and feels it is important, so begins to go up the hill. On his way, he is met by some Roman soldiers and they proceed to beat his ass back down the hill.
On the second day, Peter hears Jesus moaning again, "Peter, Peter!"
Peter thinks to himself, this is important. He heads up the hill, fights past the first line, but gets a beatdown by the second group and back down the hill he goes.
On the third day, Peter is woken up by Jesus sounding very weak, but calling out, "Peter, Peter!"
Peter feels that whatever it is that Jesus needs him for must be very important. Peter heads up the hill, he is on a mission. He manages to fight his way thru three sets of Roman guards and make his way to the cross Jesus has been nailed to for three days. He looks up to Jesus and says, "Jesus, I have heard your calls, what is so important?"
Jesus- "Peter, I can see your house from here!"