Someone butt-dialed me again yesterday. It seems that only assholes want to talk to me.
Call Jokes
What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair?
Artificial Intelligence.
Why is it called a building if it's already built?
Did you hear about the blonde that worked at the Dollar Store?
She called for a price check.
Humpty Dumpty fell off the wall, his mom did a terri-fried call.
He got hurt in a egg-cident, and it never got eggs-elent.
When the eggs-plant was over, he got told to use the mower.
It happened too fast, he watched the very last.
Next he died, eaten all fried.
What do you call a nut on a wheelchair?....A busted nut.
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? "Tie won shu."
What do you call a drivable Hamburger?
What?
A Hamborgini.
What do you call a gay dinosaur? Megasoreass.
What do you call a kid having a seizure on a dance floor? An improvement.
Him: *slowly drives past elementary school while looking at kids*
Her: Why are you staring at those kids? *jokingly* Are you like a pedophile or something?
Him: ... At least you know why I love calling you "baby" now~
What do they call me when I jack off?
Pulled pork.
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?
An irrel-elephant ;)
What do you call a mouse that doesn't like being known about?
Anonymouse.
What do you call a disabled Asian?
Sum Ting Wong.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot Wheels.
Derrick and Clive. They have a song about a Dad with cancer and other extremely offensive subjects in a routine called "The Non-Stop Dancer." It is very funny, but it is made even funnier by Dudley Moore's drunken and stoned laughter through the song.
One of the best routines ever. Look it up on YouTube. They recorded them in the studio, but they are ad-libbing and extremely drunk.
When Stephen Hawking was feeling hungry, he used to call in to his local PC World for a megabyte and some microchips.
My girlfriend called me a pedophile, but what does she know? She's 7.
What do you call an animal underground? A fossil.
