A man books a session to see a therapist, as he claims he has a strong fear of the 15th, 9th and 3rd letters of the alphabet. So once the therapist, let's call him Frank, has jotted that down on his notebook, he says, "Oh, I see."
What do you call a bad joke?
A bad Noah!
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
What do you call a guy on fire in a wheelchair?
Hot wheels.
Best chick ever.
Call me at 6969696969.
What do you call a drunk, depressed man that skydives?
Splattered.
One day, inexplicably, my talking parrot started insulting me. He called me an idiot, a fool, a jerk, stupid, and a variety of other nasty names. I warned the squawker to cease, but to no avian avail. Fed up, I finally flipped the foul-mouthed feather-brain into the freezer...but after about 15 seconds, I relented and let him out.
"I'm so sorry," he declared! "I don't know what came over me, and realize I shouldn't have said those terrible things. I hope you can forgive me, and I promise never to do it again! By the way...what did the chicken do?" 🐔😂
What do you call it when a friend calms his suicidal friend? "Hang in there, buddy."
What do you call a pillow that has been on the bed for 20 years in jail?
A criminal! 😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃
What do you call an orphan family photo?
A selfi.
I did a bungee jump for charity recently. It was called "spastics on elastics."
I came home from school one day and told my cat a kid at school said I was an idiot and told me to go kick rocks, so I did, except I kicked him, not the rocks, and I called him the idiot for not moving out of the way.
Dad: What do you call a crazy creeper?
Mom: Shit, I don't know...
Kid: Crrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Dad: That's my boy's!!!
I decided to make a charity bungee jump for the local disabled. It's called "Spastics on Elastics."
Ever heard of the show "Naked and Afraid"? That's what I call hide-and-seek with my uncle.
If you throw a nun, is it called a... Nunchuck???
I'm just happy no idiots are calling these people fat-phobic.
What do you call a whore with a runny nose?
...Full!
What do you call your sister who only has one leg?
Ei-lean.
My family chastises me for MY job, but you should hear how my family provides "customer service" at their jobs. My mother works as a social worker and answers the phone like, "DYFS, you beat em, we treat em." My grandmother is a Medical Examiner and she answers the phone like, "City Morgue, you kill em, we chill em." These bitches have no class! I'm an actress and studio secretary. When you call the studio, I answer the phone professionally like, "Good afternoon. IHOP, International House Of Pussy. Creampie Cassie speaking."
What do you call a prostitute with no arms or legs?
Cash and carry.
