Call it jokes

If Jesus was real, they wouldn’t call it the crucifixion. They would call it crucifact.

What do you call it when a prostitute pays someone 5 bucks to fuck them?

5 dollar footlongs.

So I had an idea: you and a friend go bar (pub (whatever you call it)) hopping and propose to said friend in each one so everyone buys you free drinks and you get drunk and have a great time.

What do you call a stupid pig? A pious.

What do you call it when a cow gets disciplined by her parents?

Grounded beef.

What do you call it when an Astartes cum's... torrential downfall?

What do you call it when an orphan takes a selfie?

A family portrait.

The inventor of the umbrella was just going to call it "brella," but he hesitated.

You call it suicide. I call it a failed parkour attempt.

You call him the holy cross. I call it the rejected Smash character.

You call it death. I call it peace and quiet.

You call it a burning orphanage. I call it FNAF lore.

You call it a tragedy. I call it a 25 killstreak.

Hellen Keller went to town riding a pony, stuck a feather in her hat, and called it an "Unnghhtpthhh!"

Did you hear about the exciting new drug they developed for lesbians with depression? They call it: TRICOXAGIN.

I don't call it arson. I call it warming up.

You call it turds.

I call it the forbidden chocolate.

What do you call it when Red Sox can't pull out?

Boston cream pie.

If she refuses to suck and threatens to bite, just knock her teeth out. Call it the “Bloody Gummer”.

Why did they call it "Aqua Claudia"?

Because it carried water, and another word for water is aqua. Duh!