Cake

Cake jokes

Time

4 views ·

Every time someone calls me fat, I get so depressed I cut myself... a piece of cake.

Emo

Fake emo: when I’m sad, I cut myself.

Real emo: same.

Fake emo: another piece of cake.

Piece

You also have to learn to say no. For example: "Would you like a piece of cake?" "No, I'd like two."

Roast

69 views ·

1. If being ugly was a crime, you would have a life sentence.

2. My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships.

3. There is a tree out there giving you oxygen, and you owe that tree an apology.

4. I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.

5. When I saw your dad on the sidewalk, I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

6. If I had powers, I would make you the dumbest person alive, but it seems life already beat me to the punch.

7. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it.

8. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.

9. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting.

10. Were you born on a highway, 'cause that’s where most accidents happen?

11. Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya.

12. You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented.

Birthday

2 views ·

I hate my birthday. For my first birthday my mom gave me my life. I liked it when it was new and fun. Now it's broken and sad and I wanna take it back.

Plane

6 views ·

For my birthday on September 11th this year, I just want a plane, but delicious, chocolate cake.

Difference

2 views ·

What’s the difference between me and a bakery shop? The bakery shop has cake! 😞🎂