Business jokes
Hi, this is John's Pizzeria and abortion clinic. Your loss is our sauce!
I was thinking of starting up a stair company, but there were too many steps to it.
What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
Did you know that Jeffrey Dahmer was the first person to try Five Guys?
Why don’t Indians play soccer?
Because every time they’re at the corner, they build a store.
So I walk into Orchids Of Asia. I come out three minutes later with the best massage of my life. What's the catch? Aye, there, matey, the catch of the day be crabs.
Why don't gays shop at sports authority?
They prefer Dick's.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to his job at KFC!
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and McDonald's?
One's a drive-through and one's a fly-through.
How many victims does Shaw have?
We don’t know yet. It’s four years and counting.
What's another place orphans can't work at besides SC Johnson?
The Home Depot.
What do you call a restaurant that sells food that contains weed?
McBongald's.
Q: What did the sign say on the whore house?
A: Beat it, we're closed.
Where are average things manufactured?
The satisfactory!
Hello, welcome to Joe’s Pizzeria and Abortion Clinic, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce! How may I help you today?
Man: I'm here for the job interview.
Employer: Oh good, good. Sit down. We don't get many people for the interviews.
Man: Just anywhere?
Employer: Yeah, make yourself comfortable. Jackson, right?
Man: Yeah, that's me.
(Shakes hands and sits back down)
Employer: So what makes you eligible for the job, Jackson?
Man: Well, I'm really good at capturing the perfect shot and angle. It really takes dedication to do this type of job. Concentration and willpower, sir.
Employer: I like you already, you're hired!
Man: Wow, thanks, sir. I know I won't do you wrong. I'll work hard for this job!
Employer: You start now! Your first person is a man named John F Kennedy.
Man: What? You want me to just take pictures of him during the parade?
Employer: No.
Man: This... This is a photography job, right?
Employer: No... this is a job employment for man hunting.
Where do Dairy Queen and Burger King go after dinner?
White Castle.
Sat at a busy intersection with a slice of bread, waiting for a traffic jam.
Cut a hole in the rug so he could see a dirty floor show.
He took hay to bed to feed his nightmare.
Took a tape measure to bed to see how long he slept.
Put his nose out the window so the wind will blow it.
Died with his boots on because he didn't want to hurt his toes when he kicked the bucket.
Q. What's the difference between a Kevlar vest and a CEO?
A. The CEO isn't bulletproof.
What do you call it when two transgender midgets have sex?
And microtransaction.