Business jokes

The next time you get a sack call, pick up the phone and say, "Welcome to Pete's pizzeria and abortion clinic. Your loss is next week's sauce. How may we help you?"

A man is meeting a client in Japan, but arrives a day early. When night hit, he went out with a prostitute. They're having sex, but the prostitute kept shouting "Fuji, Fuji, Fuji!", so the man thinks he's doing a good job. The next day, the man meets his client and they go golfing, and the client gets a hole in one. The man praises him by going "Fuji, Fuji, Fuji!". His client turns around confused and says, "What do you mean wrong hole!?"

A French, a German, and an Italian make a race to see who resists the most in a room full of flies. The French starts, and after a quarter of an hour, comes out.

Then goes the German, who comes out after an hour. Finally, the Italian enters and comes out after five hours.

The French: "But how did you do it?"

The Italian: "I killed one."

The German: "So what?"

The Italian: "And then they were all busy for the funeral!"

Mmmm, bread. I love Panera Bread.

This is unrelated, but where I live, there is no Panera Bread. Y'know what that's called?

No Panera Bread.

GRAVEYARD SAVINGS:

While leafing through our local newspaper, I noticed this classified ad: “For sale: one used tombstone. Splendid opportunity for a family named Dingle.”

What do you call security outside a Samsung store?

Guardians of the Galaxy.

Five little monkeys jumping on a bed.

One fell off and bumped his head. Mamma called Walmart, and Walmart said,

"We will give you a replacement!"

Everyone: You gotta pay the cost to be the boss.

Germans: You gotta be the caust to be the boss.

Your mama's so fat, she runs a trade deficit with food!

What do you call Dominos when it doesn't know how to cook pizza?

Domi-don't-knows...

My pal asked me why nobody wants to eat the spaghetti he makes in his restaurant.

Well, because it's impastable.

I wanted to open a brothel in the monastery, but the slogan: "Fist some Christs" was, unfortunately, not so well received.

What’s the difference between me and a bakery shop? The bakery shop has cake! 😞🎂

People claim that Trump has Russian ties.

FAKE NEWS!

All of Trump's ties are made in China.

Man asking waitress, "Pardon me, miss, may I ask you about the menu, please?"

Waitress, "It's none of your business about the men I please!"

Why You should never poop on the floor in an Apple Store?

Because they don't have Windows. 🤢 🤣

What do a pimp and a farmer have in common?

They both need a hoe to stay in business.

Welcome to the Fast Food Divorce Center where yesterday's lies are today's fries.

What's the motto for a pizza place that's also an abortion clinic: Your loss is our sauce.

Prince/Lord Tallie: Leave Gwen alone for once! By the way, you are an idiot!

Gwen: The Prince! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!? I THOUGHT YOU WERE TOTALLY DEAD, AND SO I STARTED DATING TANNER! But don't worry, I'll break up with him immediately!

Prince/Lord Tallie: Oh, don't worry, I love it! By the way, can't we do our late-night talk? My Wi-Fi comes out just before we can! I love you even more! 😘

Gwen: Oh, thanks! I thought you would hate me! And yes, we don't have to chat at night, but the days are going to be choppy. I love you!

Tanner: Fuck off.

Kenya Bailey: Excuse me?

Gwen: Tanner, it was all my fault, I shouldn't have tried to date you so fast, and did you see the talk about the boring jokes?

Zre: Who the hell is Tanner?

Ha: Wait a second, he's your boyfriend!

Kenya Bailey: Okay guys, let's not get into your business, okay! Let's see funny jokes.

Ha: Yes, you're right.

Zre: Ok.

Zre: Still, who the hell is Tanner! But hey, this is your toddler's toy! Even though I thought I was a prince.

Gwen: I thought Prince was dead, so I started dating Tanner, then I realized Prince was alive.