Business jokes
Why did the gym close down?
Because it just didn't work out.
How many victims does Shaw have?
We don’t know yet. It’s four years and counting.
What does a nosy pepper do? Gets JALAPEÑO BUSINESS!
Nope, should've gone to Specsavers.
Orphans would be upset if they went to FamilyMart.
'Cause they sell oden, not a family.
So I walk into Orchids Of Asia. I come out three minutes later with the best massage of my life. What's the catch? Aye, there, matey, the catch of the day be crabs.
What's the difference between the Grand Canyon and a blonde?
The Grand Canyon is a busy ditch.
Do chiropractors have to pay back taxes?
Only when they file jointly.
What do you call an angry shopper?
A cuss-tomer.
What did the ferret say after his family was questioned by police?
It's none of your business!
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account? They were prime mates.
What is it called when you talk in Panera Bread?
Panera said.
My cousin: “How’s the lemonade stand supposed to run when you’re at softball practice?!”
Me: “Lemonade stands can’t run, dufus.”
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?
He forgot to wrap his Whopper.
I just ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.
I'll let you know.
Welcome to Antonio’s pizza and abortion, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce!
Did you hear about the restaurant they're putting on the moon?
Good food, but no atmosphere.
In memory of Michael Jackson, various ice cream companies are introducing the Jackson Chocolate ice cream. It is either 50 year old cream mixed in with 10 year old nuts, or 7 year old vanilla ice cream with 50 year old chocolate drizzled on 4 year old tiny nuts.
What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
Full.
Why aren’t Indian Pakistanis allowed in the World Cup of baseball?
Every time they hit a corner, they open a shop.