Business jokes
The next time you get a sack call, pick up the phone and say, "Welcome to Pete's pizzeria and abortion clinic. Your loss is next week's sauce. How may we help you?"
I'm going to open a wellness center for ASD kids to be able to express themselves through music and painting. I will call it Artism!
What do you say to your customer at a popsicle stand when he asks for the price?
Dollar a pop!
Get it?
What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?
Someone who COUNTS BARS all day!
I got a job at the can factory, but it is soda-pressing.
A boy asks his father:
"What is politics?"
Father answers:
"It’s very simple! You see, I bring in the money, so I’m big business. Your mother spends the money, so she’s the government.
Your grandfather sees to it that everything is managed in an orderly way. So he’s the law.
Our maid is the working class.
Everything revolves around your interests, so you’re the people. Your little baby brother represents the future."
The boy has to think it over. That night he hears his little brother crying due to a dirty diaper. He doesn’t know what to do, so he goes to the bedroom of his parents. There his mother is sound asleep. He goes to the bedroom of the maid, but his father is there fucking the maid — and oddly enough his grandfather is watching through the window.
Nobody notices the boy and he returns to his bed.
The next day his father asks him:
"So, can you now explain to me what politics is?"
The boy says:
"Yes, it’s all become clear to me!
Big business screws over the working class while the law watches and the government sleeps. The people are ignored and the future lies in shit."
My girlfriend is like Toys R Us.
She does not exist.
What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?
A money manager who counts bars.
Why is rape, rape? Because she is too busy enjoying the moment to say yes.
I pushed a disabled kid down a busy road and yelled out, "Mario Kart!"
How do you keep a blind kid busy? Give him sandpaper and tell him it's a find-a-word. 😂🤣
What do you call a shedding Panera Bread?
Panera Shed.
You're so poor not even Dollar Tree has your prices.
When your wife gets pregnant and you don't want a kid, just come on down to Momma Mia's Pizzeria and abortion clinic!
Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp?
He bought a warehouse.
Why did the chicken nugget cross the road?
To get cooked by KFC.
If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple 'thank you' is all I need.
Not all this 'How did you get in my house?' business.
What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say when you leave?
"Thanks for coming. Hope you come again soon."
"If you're good at something, never do it for free."
Rapboat's mom charges $5 a blowie.
If someone calls you, reply with this: “Hi, this is Dave’s orphanage and pizzeria, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce! How may I assist you today?”