Business jokes
People claim that Trump has Russian ties. That’s not true, just some crazy conspiracy theorists. All of Trump's ties are made in China.
What do condoms and whores have in common?
Answer: There is a lot that comes in every box.
Welcome to Antonio’s pizza and abortion, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce!
Once you’ve seen a shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.
What did the customer ask when he went to the cannibal restaurant?
"Who's the special today?"
Q: What do you get when you cross Viagra and Donald Trump?
A: Erection fraud. (Just a joke.)
What's another place orphans can't work at besides SC Johnson?
The Home Depot.
Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...
Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)
AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]
Q. What's the difference between a Kevlar vest and a CEO?
A. The CEO isn't bulletproof.
What's the quickest way to go to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.
T-Series.
Q: What did the sign say on the whore house?
A: Beat it, we're closed.
My roasts aren't funny. At least this shit gets me money.
What’s the name of OceanGate’s next submarine?
Judging by the breathing conditions on their subs, I bet they’ll call it the "George Floyd."
Say this when you answer a spam call...
"Hi, welcome to Bob's Taco Shack and Funeral Home, where yesterday's grief is today's beef."
Why can’t orphans work at SC Johnson’s?
Because it’s a family company.
Why were the Twin Towers mad? Because they ordered three pepperoni pizzas and one came plain, the other came late, and the other one went to the wrong address.
If prostitution had a tax-exempt status, and if an adult bookstore had a tax-exempt status because of a glory hole, churches would have to do something else to keep their tax-exempt status to avoid the risk of going out of business.
Why don't gays shop at sports authority?
They prefer Dick's.
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and McDonald's?
One's a drive-through and one's a fly-through.