Business jokes

Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?

Kid: I don't know why.

Man: Because they have a family plan.

Kid: Well, I need to get another phone service now.

Why did the gym close down?

Because it just didn't work out.

Nope, should've gone to Specsavers.

Pineapple turnover.

I’m going to be busy having dinner soon. I have internet for Christmas 🎄 and I have some Christmas.

What does a nosy pepper do? Gets JALAPEÑO BUSINESS!

How many victims does Shaw have?

We don’t know yet. It’s four years and counting.

Sneed feed seed.

Formerly Chuck's!

So I walk into Orchids Of Asia. I come out three minutes later with the best massage of my life. What's the catch? Aye, there, matey, the catch of the day be crabs.

What did the ferret say after his family was questioned by police?

It's none of your business!

Orphans would be upset if they went to FamilyMart.

'Cause they sell oden, not a family.

Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account? They were prime mates.

So I was visiting my friends Timmy and Tommy at the phone store and I said, "A. T&T!"

Yo mama so smelly, she’s even banned from the perfume store!

Do chiropractors have to pay back taxes?

Only when they file jointly.

What's the difference between the Grand Canyon and a blonde?

The Grand Canyon is a busy ditch.

He: I'm Nike, and you're McDonalds.

She: Why?

He: 'Cause I'm doing it, and you're loving it. :)

Why don't Indians play baseball?

Every time they reach a corner, they make a shop.

Why are Indian people bad at Monopoly?

Because whenever they hit the corner, they build a shop.

What is the easiest way to get into a busy hospital? Try to commit suicide.

(YES I KNOW I SPELLED SCUCIDE WRONG)