Business jokes
McDonald's worker: Order, order!
Customer: I didn't do anything wrong!
Why did the chicken nugget cross the road?
To get cooked by KFC.
Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson? Cause it's a family company.
How do you make a hotdog stand? You take away its chair.
Papa John's pizzeria and abortion clinic. You make 'em, we bake 'em.
Can people please shut up about "male privileges"? There is no right that men have that women don't.
Women have the right to genital integrity. Women can vote without having to sign up for the draft.
Women have the right to choose parenthood; men do not.
Women have the right to be assumed caregivers for children.
Women have the right to call unwanted, coerced sex rape.
Women have the right to lower jail sentences for the same crime.
Women have the right to not be assumed sexual predators.
Women have the right to government departments that solely serve their interests. They also have the luxury of "women only" events that men cannot even dream of. (They even took the boy scouts away from us.)
Women have the right to government-enforced gender quotas.
Women have the right to exclusive tax benefits for being a business owner.
Women have the right to domestic violence shelters.
Women have the right to not be assumed the primary aggressor in a domestic dispute.
Women have the right to rape a man or boy, and if she gets pregnant from that man/boy, they can sue him for child support.
So it is women who have more rights.
So shut up, feminists, please.
"Hotel Rwanda" has a high score on Rotten Tomatoes, but their Yelp reviews are terrible.
Why was the rapper so good at math?
Because he could count bars like NOBODY’S BUSINESS!
Person: "How many people have you had intercourse with?"
Me: "Nun."
Where do sheep go to shop?
Woolmart.
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed, One fell off and bumped his head. The momma called the doctor and the doctor said... “We’re calling Child Protective Services.”
The Chinese food owner always brings us free food. I ask my sister why he does that. My sister said, "Love him long time."
What does the sign say on the hooker house after they were on lockdown?
Answer: "We're on lockdown, get lost pervert."
I got a job at the can factory, but it is soda-pressing.
If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple 'thank you' is all I need.
Not all this 'How did you get in my house?' business.
I didn't come into the prostitution business...
It came into me.
A man walks into the taxidermist with two monkeys. The taxidermist asked if he wanted them mounted. The man said, "No. Shaking hands will be fine."
Why should you never fart in an Apple store?
Because they have no Windows!
I am starting a business where I help people count. It is called making the little things count.
What is Bill Gates’ favorite equation?
1 + 1 =