Business jokes
I saw a cute coworker and had sex in the back till I realized it is a family business.
A farmer counted 196 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 200.
Did you hear about that cheese factory that exploded in France?
There was nothing left but de Brie!
Did you hear about the shark that ate a key shop?
I think it got lockjaw after that.
Where do sheep go to shop?
Woolmart.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Cuz he felt like it mind your f***ing business like damn.
What do you call an epileptic midget that works at Little Caesars?
Little Seizures.
The bakery where I work is being robbed. I said to the people, "I am calling the police." Then I realized they did not come for the money; they came for the bread. Huh, go figure!
When you’re fucking your boss and realize it’s a family business.
GRAVEYARD SAVINGS:
While leafing through our local newspaper, I noticed this classified ad: “For sale: one used tombstone. Splendid opportunity for a family named Dingle.”
A horse walks into a bar.
The barman says...
"Why the long face?"
Q: What did the sign say on the whore house?
A: Beat it, we're closed.
Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...
Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)
AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account? They were prime mates.
Q: Why do Dasher and Dancer love coffee?
A: Because they're Santa's Starbucks!
A man boards a plane with six children of various ages.
After the plane takes off, a woman sitting behind the man asks him, “Are all of them yours?”
“No,” the man responds. “I work for a condom company and these are some of the customer complaints.”
Superman was bored and wanted to go out. He called all his super friends, but they were all busy. He even calls Louis, but it's her time of the month.
He flies to the liquor store and buys some beer and gets drunk. As he is flying, he sees Wonder Woman naked on top of the roof. He starts thinking, "I will fly down and have sex with her sooooo fast," BURP, "that she won't know what happened," HICKUP.
He flies to her faster than the speed of light, BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG, and flies away with a smile. He passes out and crashed into a wall.
Wonder Woman jumps up and screams, "WHAT WAS THAT?"
The Invisible Man appears, holding his butt, and he gets off on Wonder Woman and says, "I don't know, but my butt hurts real bad."
A man is meeting a client in Japan, but arrives a day early. When night hit, he went out with a prostitute. They're having sex, but the prostitute kept shouting "Fuji, Fuji, Fuji!", so the man thinks he's doing a good job. The next day, the man meets his client and they go golfing, and the client gets a hole in one. The man praises him by going "Fuji, Fuji, Fuji!". His client turns around confused and says, "What do you mean wrong hole!?"
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
Why did the duck get arrested? Because he was selling quack.