Business Jokes

A man walks into a bar with an alligator. He says to the bartender, "I have a deal, if I can hold my dick in the alligator's mouth for a minute without it biting, you owe me one drink." And so the bartender agreed.

The man, like he said, had his dick in the alligator's mouth for one minute without it biting, and the bartender gave him a drink. He made another deal, but for two minutes and for two drinks. Sure enough, he was able to do it and he drank his drinks. Then he did it for five minutes and five drinks. He did it and drank his drinks. Then he said to the amazed crowd, "Would anyone like to volunteer?" One man raised his hand. He walked up to the man with the alligator and said, "Just a warning, I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long."

What present can a pimp always buy his hoes to both show how much he thinks of them and know they can never get enough of?

Condoms!

Why does the pimp always use job fairs as a way of recruiting new hoes?

He always gets a great turnout.

What is Michael Jordan's favorite coffee place? Dunkin' Donuts.

Why does the environmentalist pimp have his hoes fuck bareback?

He wants to keep condoms out of landfills.

My girlfriend is like Toys R Us.

She does not exist.

Once my friend's bakery burned down... His business is toast.

T-Series.

What was the movie about the dog called?

The woof of Wall Street.

What do you call a bunch of Mexicans running down a hill?

Taco Bell going out of business.

Why did Paul Walker drown?

Because he was too busy carpooling.

Why did the duck get arrested? For selling quack.

Did you hear about the delivery boy that worked for that Italian Restaurant down the street?

Yeah, he Pasta-Way.

A man walks into the taxidermist with two monkeys. The taxidermist asked if he wanted them mounted. The man said, "No. Shaking hands will be fine."

Robber: This is a robbery, bitch!

Gunsalesman: No u

A kid walks in late to class. The teacher asks him, "Why are you late?" and he replies, "I was busy throwing pebbles in the lake." Another kid walks in late to class, and the teacher asks him, "Why are you late?" and he replies, "I was busy throwing pebbles in the lake." The last kid walks in and the teacher says, "Why are you late?...and why are you wet?" and the kid says back, "Remember, my name is Pebbles!!"

"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile. "May I help you?"

"I was wondering," whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the handjobs?"

"Yes," she purrs, "I am."

The man replies, "Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."

How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?

He forgot to wrap his Whopper.

A man walks into a bar and sees a piece of steak on the ceiling.

The cashier says, "If you can grab it, your meal's free!"

The man then said, "Nah, the stakes are too high."

I have a friend that sells backpacks for a living. You can draw on them using markers of different color variants.

He one day said his business was "remarkable."