The last thing I told my ex after we broke up was, "At least we're still cousins!" đ
I was pretty tight friends with my butt plug. But then we had a falling-out.
I had a boyfriend once. He broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive." I guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.
My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers.
To be honest, I should have seen the signs.
What did the cell say when it was dividing?
"It's not you, it's me."
Why did Karen leave me?
Because I was a mushroom.
Babe, it's over.
After all I've done for you? Wow! I cheated on you with your sister anyway.
I meant the movie...
My mama always told me, don't pick your nose or it will fall off! I thought she meant my nose.
Hey, give me a break! I'm a little shorthanded!
Oh no, not rock paper scissors again! I always lose. Come on guys, I just lost my finger a day ago! This is Tony, later on.
My ex still misses me... But her aim is getting better every time!
My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, "No, wait! I can change."
My ex misses me, good thing she'll never hit me.
I used to date a girl named Ruth, but she broke up with me and now I am ruthless.
My girlfriend broke up with me today, but itâs ok.
She said we can still be cousins.
A couple is sitting down, holding hands, and having a picnic after their wedding when the husband's friend walks over and says,
"Jenny and Jonathan sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes abrupt, tragic miscarriage! Then comes blame. Then comes despair, two hearts damaged, beyond repair. Johnathan leaves Jenny, and writes on the tree: D-I-V-O-R-C-E."
Dear algebra,
I don't want to find your X. I don't know Y she left you.
I got hit by a bus.
But the bus was my ex.
What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you?
Take her wheelchair, she'll come crawling back.
If your boyfriend doesn't get your fruit puns, you got to let that mango.
"Hey, today was great."
"What happened?"
"I ran into my ex today."
"What's so great about that?"
"I was in my car."
I broke up with my deaf girlfriend because she never listened to me.
