Breakup jokes

How did the cow break up with the other cow? He said he moo-ved on.

What is the difference between a coconut and your ex?

One is fun to knock down by throwing rocks at, the other one is a coconut.

So a girl says to her ex, "I can't get you out of my mind, the boyfriend I knew." The girl replies, "I see you in everything, like when I'm walking down the street, even at work, like trash cans are everywhere."

The last thing I told my ex after we broke up was, "At least we're still cousins!" 😂

I was pretty tight friends with my butt plug. But then we had a falling-out.

I had a boyfriend once. He broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive." I guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.

My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers.

To be honest, I should have seen the signs.

What did the cell say when it was dividing?

"It's not you, it's me."

Why did Karen leave me?

Because I was a mushroom.

Babe, it's over.

After all I've done for you? Wow! I cheated on you with your sister anyway.

I meant the movie...

My mama always told me, don't pick your nose or it will fall off! I thought she meant my nose.

Hey, give me a break! I'm a little shorthanded!

Oh no, not rock paper scissors again! I always lose. Come on guys, I just lost my finger a day ago! This is Tony, later on.

My ex still misses me... But her aim is getting better every time!

My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, "No, wait! I can change."

My ex misses me, good thing she'll never hit me.

I used to date a girl named Ruth, but she broke up with me and now I am ruthless.

My girlfriend broke up with me today, but it’s ok.

She said we can still be cousins.

A couple is sitting down, holding hands, and having a picnic after their wedding when the husband's friend walks over and says,

"Jenny and Jonathan sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes abrupt, tragic miscarriage! Then comes blame. Then comes despair, two hearts damaged, beyond repair. Johnathan leaves Jenny, and writes on the tree: D-I-V-O-R-C-E."

Dear algebra,

I don't want to find your X. I don't know Y she left you.

I got hit by a bus.

But the bus was my ex.

What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you?

Take her wheelchair, she'll come crawling back.