Breakup jokes

I had a girlfriend who was a below-the-knee amputee. We broke up because she just couldn't keep her legs closed.

Michael Jackson, who's terrified of adult women, once had a girlfriend, but broke it off with her. When she asked him why, he said, "It's not you, it's me-hee-hee."

Did you hear about the woman who broke up with the man who had a small penis?

When his friends ask how he’s doing, he said, “I wasn’t that into her.”

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."

"But why?" I replied.

"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.

"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.

My ex broke up with me the day before his birthday. Yeah, he never got to see anything on his birthday. Next thing you know, I'm now in prison.

My cousin just broke up with his girlfriend, and I told him, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of her stuff."

My cousin just broke up with her boyfriend, and I told her, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of his stuff."

I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend. She was obsessed with an X.

How do you break up a fight between two gay men?

Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"

My girlfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much. What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.

Why did the booty break up with the fart?

It was just too much GASLIGHTING.

Hey there little mister, I'm dating your sister.

One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish.

I’m breaking up with you, bitch.

Whenever your ex says, "You'll never find someone like me," the answer to that is, "That's the point."

"Just ditched a woman. Feelin' good!" -Techno

A failed marriage is like an Avengers movie.

First someone snaps, then half your stuff is gone.

The longer the relationship, the longer the breakup will hurt you. Better break up now ooo.🤣

I dated a furry once.

The relationship didn't work out, she was a cheetah.

My girlfriend just broke up with me because I held a door for another girl. She said I was cheating, but the girl I helped was in a wheelchair.