"Hey, today was great."
"What happened?"
"I ran into my ex today."
"What's so great about that?"
"I was in my car."
Breakup Jokes
I broke up with my deaf girlfriend because she never listened to me.
I love breakups. My ex-girlfriends always end up in pieces.
I’m giving in my two week resignation to life... it’s not you ... it’s me!!!
My girlfriend broke up with me because I have a small dick. Too bad for her, because I give good sex.
My boyfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much. What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.
A man wakes up from his operation, and the doctor says, "I have bad news and good news, what do you want to hear first?"
The man says, "Bad," so the doctor says, "During the surgery, your girlfriend decided to leave a message that she’s leaving you for another man."
The man says, "What’s the good then?" And the doctor says, "I’m picking her up at 7."
My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like.
My girlfriend asked me to tell a joke. I told her to look in the mirror.
We never met again.
What’s the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese person
You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message
My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday. I asked her why. She said, "Because you're a pedophile." I replied, "Pedophile! That's a big word for an eight year old."
Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend? - Because he needed some space.
My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.
What did Mario say when he broke up with Princess Peach?
It's not you, it's a-me, Mario!
My girlfriend broke up with me because of my pasta fetish.
I'm feeling cannelloni right now.
Why did the man walk into a bar?
Because he just broke up and he needs alcohol, you dummy!
What's Asian but has broken up with its girlfriend?
A dumpling.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.
But I knew she'd come crawling back to me.
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta. -- I'm doing well, but I do get cannelloni.
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wipe his ass.
