Breakup jokes

Hey, What do you want? We broke up like 5 days ago, leave me alone. Ok, first wanna do some things? What kind of things? Illegal things. Like what? Knock you off and hide your body. 🤡🤡🗡

Most states: "It's ok, it won't be awkward. We're still friends." Alabama: "She didn't wanna be my girlfriend anymore. But she said she'll still be my sister."

So this guy named Andrew Furda was my boyfriend for like a half a week, so five days. Then bam, I cut my hair. He only liked me for my looks, and I hoped he regrets it because it is WAR, so if you see this, you're going down, Andrew!

I was in a toxic relationship. After some time, my girlfriend died. Her name was Happy. Still got no clue of her body, and here I am lying on the bed so fucking happy.

How did the cow break up with the other cow? He said he moo-ved on.

What is the difference between a coconut and your ex?

One is fun to knock down by throwing rocks at, the other one is a coconut.

So a girl says to her ex, "I can't get you out of my mind, the boyfriend I knew." The girl replies, "I see you in everything, like when I'm walking down the street, even at work, like trash cans are everywhere."

The last thing I told my ex after we broke up was, "At least we're still cousins!" 😂

I was pretty tight friends with my butt plug. But then we had a falling-out.

I had a boyfriend once. He broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive." I guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.

My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers.

To be honest, I should have seen the signs.

What did the cell say when it was dividing?

"It's not you, it's me."

Why did Karen leave me?

Because I was a mushroom.

Babe, it's over.

After all I've done for you? Wow! I cheated on you with your sister anyway.

I meant the movie...

My mama always told me, don't pick your nose or it will fall off! I thought she meant my nose.

Hey, give me a break! I'm a little shorthanded!

Oh no, not rock paper scissors again! I always lose. Come on guys, I just lost my finger a day ago! This is Tony, later on.

My ex still misses me... But her aim is getting better every time!

My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, "No, wait! I can change."

Evan, this is Mya, and your mom told me you were adopted, so we are done. Bye, don’t talk to me.

Why did the biology teacher break up with the physics teacher? Because there was no chemistry...

My ex misses me, good thing she'll never hit me.