Body jokes

There’s so many protests. Every time I see "my body, my choice," I can’t tell if we’re protesting the masks or trying to kill babies.

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

She didn't have any arms.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Not Sally.

What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, he just WAVED.

Did you SEA what I did there?

GUY: Yes

Are you SHORE?

Ever heard of a reverse exorcism? It’s when the Devil tells the priest to exit the child’s body.

Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.

Why could she not get back up? Because she had no friends.

Knock knock? Who's there? Not Susie...

If your blind girlfriend says you have a big cock, she's probably just pulling your leg.

At least if you're fat you don't need to put as much bathwater in the bath.

What do you call a man with no hands? Clapless.

A woman walks into a dentist's office, sits on the counter, and spreads her legs.

The dentist says, "I think you have the wrong idea with that." The woman replies, "Last week you gave my husband his false teeth; now you can get them out."

What do you call a cow that has two legs shorter on one side of its body compared to the other?

LEAN BEEF!

What is a skeleton's favorite instrument?

The trom-BONE!

P.S. This joke is very non-original and bad.

I heard guns kill people, so I gave up my right to own one.

Then I heard dicks rape people, so I chopped it off.

Your butt's so big you can slap it and ride the waves.

What do you call a girl with no arms and no legs?

Names.

While I was out shopping, I tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me. For fun, I said, "Sorry! It's been a while since I've possessed a body." She looked horrified.

Dads are like boomerangs... I hope!

Son: Dad, why is my name Experience? Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.

You won't eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won't eat a person.

A pirate walks into a bar with a wheel hanging down his pants.

A guy walks by and says, "Pardon me sir, but you've got a wheel hanging down your pants." The pirate responds, "I know. It's driving me nuts!"

You're so ugly you scared the crap out of the toilet!

I don't get why people don't like my abortion jokes. Do they have a stick up their ass? Wait, that's the other hole.

What do you call a flat-chested emo?

A cutting board.

They say the surest way to a man’s heart is through the stomach. But, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.