Body jokes

Somebody stole my joke.

So I stole their spinal cord.

Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.

Why could she not get back up? Because she had no friends.

Knock knock? Who's there? Not Susie...

At least if you're fat you don't need to put as much bathwater in the bath.

If your blind girlfriend says you have a big cock, she's probably just pulling your leg.

What do you call a man with no hands? Clapless.

What do you call a cow that has two legs shorter on one side of its body compared to the other?

LEAN BEEF!

What is a skeleton's favorite instrument?

The trom-BONE!

P.S. This joke is very non-original and bad.

I heard guns kill people, so I gave up my right to own one.

Then I heard dicks rape people, so I chopped it off.

Your butt's so big you can slap it and ride the waves.

What do you call a girl with no arms and no legs?

Names.

A pirate walks into a bar with a wheel hanging down his pants.

A guy walks by and says, "Pardon me sir, but you've got a wheel hanging down your pants." The pirate responds, "I know. It's driving me nuts!"

You're so ugly you scared the crap out of the toilet!

I don't get why people don't like my abortion jokes. Do they have a stick up their ass? Wait, that's the other hole.

You are so skinny that the only difference between you and a leaf is color.

What was the drug addict's favorite nursery rhyme?

I'm a little crack pot short and stout, put that crack pipe in my mouth, sell my body or sell my couch, get that lighter and smoke me out!

My fucking balls hurt so god damn bad, oh my god!

What do 3-year-old boys say after going to confession?

"My bum hurts!"

What’s the difference between a motorcycle and a mutilated body?

I don’t have a motorcycle in my garage.

Yo mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it says, "To be continued."

What do you call a flat-chested emo?

A cutting board.