You're so ugly you scared the crap out of the toilet!
What’s the difference between a motorcycle and a mutilated body?
I don’t have a motorcycle in my garage.
What do 3-year-old boys say after going to confession?
"My bum hurts!"
What was the drug addict's favorite nursery rhyme?
I'm a little crack pot short and stout, put that crack pipe in my mouth, sell my body or sell my couch, get that lighter and smoke me out!
My fucking balls hurt so god damn bad, oh my god!
A penis has a sad life.
His hair is a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor is an asshole, his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him up!
What do you call a flat-chested emo?
A cutting board.
Yo mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it says, "To be continued."
Your butt is bigger than Uranus!
Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms or legs.
Among Us players after saying "Self Report!" to the police officers who find a dead body in their basement.
Kyle's penis is small.
Friend: Why don't you cut your hair?
Me: Dunno, but I'll probably cut my wrists first.
A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?"
Two bald dudes were pulling each other's hair.
Are butt cheeks one word, or should I spread them apart?
One day a couple was walking when the man stepped on something hard and squishy, then they heard a sound from the bushes. Instead of looking down, they both ran.
Two years later, they turned on the TV to find Ted Bundy on trial. They asked him if he has ever been caught. He said, "No, but a couple was walking as soon as I killed a girl. I jumped into a bush. They didn't know I was there, but the man stepped on the dead body but didn't look down, then he and his girlfriend ran."
Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?
In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.
I was trying to make homemade baby powder until I realized it isn't made from babies, oops wrong ingredient... smh
What does gum in my d*ck have in common?
Both get chewed on by little kids.
