Body jokes
You're so ugly you scared the crap out of the toilet!
I don't get why people don't like my abortion jokes. Do they have a stick up their ass? Wait, that's the other hole.
They say the surest way to a man’s heart is through the stomach. But, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.
My fucking balls hurt so god damn bad, oh my god!
What was the drug addict's favorite nursery rhyme?
I'm a little crack pot short and stout, put that crack pipe in my mouth, sell my body or sell my couch, get that lighter and smoke me out!
Q: What do you say to a kid who threatens to beat you up?
A: We can always rearrange your liver 😏
What do you call a flat-chested emo?
A cutting board.
Yo mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it says, "To be continued."
What’s the difference between a motorcycle and a mutilated body?
I don’t have a motorcycle in my garage.
A penis has a sad life.
His hair is a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor is an asshole, his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him up!
Your butt is bigger than Uranus!
Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms or legs.
Friend: Why don't you cut your hair?
Me: Dunno, but I'll probably cut my wrists first.
Two bald dudes were pulling each other's hair.
Are butt cheeks one word, or should I spread them apart?
My sister said that I need to stop with the audited butt:
I got it from her when I was born.
This morning I woke up, then took a bath with some chocolate mud. At first, when I turned the damn flossers on, I noticed it wasn't water. It was all chocolate mud, and now my body is all chocolatey.
What gets hard when tugged and fits perfectly in between boobs... A seatbelt.
What did the poo say when it fell out of your bum?
"Your anus looks like my mum's bedsheet which is smelly and covered in poo."
I also just wanted to add that a Goonie's anus looks like my nan's mouth.
Gay dik.
Smol Dik.
Plastik Dik.
Rubeh Dik.
Smooth Dik.
Metahl Dik.