Body jokes
What kind of ankle are you? A broken ankle.
A friend of mine chews gum, lays back to yawn, then chokes on the gum. Then I said, "God, what, you choking on dick?"
What’s the difference between a fetus and a woman?
A fetus has more rights.
What did the penis say to the condom?
"Cover me, I'm going in!"
What part do people slit the most?
Everyone.
I drew a fist on a body, and then I drew a guy saying to him, "That dude's a knucklehead!"
Face-Timing My Girlfriend:
"Hey girl! Are you a veterinarian? Because these puppies are sick!" *shows muscle*
Did you hear about the guy whose left side got cut off!
But he’s all right now.
A penis has a sad life.
His hair is a mess. His family is nuts. His neighbor is an asshole. His best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him. That's it for now.
What's the difference between you and a fridge? The fridge doesn't moan when I put my meat in.
Your forehead [is] so big [that] every time you shout, your forehead starts pulsing.
Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms.
If you unironically think someone who killed themselves should have their body in jail, you are honestly such a fucking embarrassment to humanity.
What do you call a person with only one arm?
Half-assed.
Q. What makes music on your hair?
A. A headband!
Yo mama so fat that when she fell on the concrete, nobody laughed, but the concrete cracked up.
Yo mama so hairy, you almost died from a rug burn!
There is this little boy, and he gets in the shower with his mom and looks up and says, "Mommy, what are those?"
She replies with, "These are my headlights."
He looks down and says, "Mommy, what's that?" She says, "That's my garage."
So he gets out of the shower and gets in with his dad and looks down and says, "What is that?" The dad says, "This is my snake."
Later that night, he wakes up in the middle of the night and screams, "Mommy, Mommy, turn off your headlights and close your garage. Daddy's snake is trying to get in!"
Three people explored the jungles, one was from France, one from Britain, and the other from America.
While exploring, they were captured by the tribe living there. The tribesmen told the three, "You three have invaded our territory, so we must kill you and use your bodies to create canoes. However, we aren't that heartless, so we'll let you choose your deaths."
So the French guy asked for a gun, pointed to his head, and said "Viva la France!" and shot himself. The Britain guy requested poison and said, "For the Queen!" and drank the poison. Lastly, the American asked for a spoon. The tribesmen were confused but still gave him the spoon. When the American got the spoon, he started stabbing himself, "Try make a canoe out of this one!"
Your butt is bigger than my ex-girlfriend's butt, and I love it!