Three doctors go into a room to get rid of a dead guys body they notice when they walk over he has a boner the first doctor decides why not fuck him he still has a boner left in him the 2nd says well he's dead and I I'm a virgin the 3d one says I can't I'm on my period and then says okey why not he already dead it's not like he doesn't smell bad after all that they go to walk out and the guy pops up and says thanks for saveing my life pumping blood back into my body...........
So here’s Uranus where’s my anus
Whenever my artist girlfriend is sad I let her draw things on my body. I gave her a shoulder to crayon
Highest level of insult by a girl by seeing a guy's dick: I can shit bigger logs than that thing of your's 🤣
If I were an object in this world, I'd be a glass! Because if you leave me when I'm too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.
If I was a pizza topping, I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.
I'm a star! Because one of these days, I'm going to crash and burn...
If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die, I'd be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.
I'm like the sun; I'm painful to look at.
If I was a food, I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.
I'm like an eggshell... broken and empty.
If I was a mythical creature, I'd be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.
I'm like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.
My soul is a raisin because it's dried up, shriveled, and not everyone likes it.
I'm like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.
I'm like the moon because as the month progresses, my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.
I'm like an extremely powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.
I'm like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.
I'm like a shitty book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.
My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can't afford to go through with the divorce, and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape, but the more they try, the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety.
Help me....
I was in a toxic relationship . After some time my girlfriend died, her name was happy . Still got no clue of her body and here i am lying on the bed so fucking happy.
My bf: Knock knock.
Me: Who's there?
My bf: Ice cream.
Me: Ice cream who?
My bf: I scream if you don't let me see that smoking hot body!
When you see someone with a double chin that’s sad:
Hey come on man keep your chin up. Wait which one
Hey, what are those things on your arms? They look like cuts. Wait, what? No, it's just marker. Nothing else...
Son: Dad, I need a new butt.
Dad: Why, son?
Son: Because mine has a huge crack in it.
Why does Blake like lakes? Because of cake!
Guy 1: "Stop looking at my ass!" Guy 2: "I said look at Uranus." Guy 1: "I'm looking at uranus!" Guy 2: "I said Uranus like the planet!" Guy 1: "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"
Damn bro, that calculator is looking hot today. It got abs!
Your forehead is so big, John Cena could wrestle on it.
Your mum is so fat that when she sat on the toilet, she couldn't because her fat ass can't fit on the toilet seat.
I work at a morgue and we wrap the bodies in bubble wrap.I was working the night shift and just looking at the security cameras but then I heard popping behind me
little timmy said"i had a body eieio now you are next"as he shoots you
what did they do with his body when he died they made him into lego sho kids can play with him for once
Jeffy: I need a new butt, my old one has a crack in it.
Do you know what a reverse exorcism is?
It's when the demon tells the priest to exit the child's body
