Body jokes
What do you call a school that can talk?
A school with a face!
My penis.
This is not even a joke, it's a serious question... Is eating ass considered cannibalism?
Your mom is so fat, she starts the alphabet with the letter "o" for obesity, hahaha!
What kind of chair inhabits your soul?
A hair!
Why did Stephanie fall off the swing?
Because she has no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Not Stephanie!
My dick said that your ass is having a boner.
When a guy falls, it hurts them there. When a woman falls, it hurts more.
What do women put on their ears to look more attractive?
Their knees.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because the chicken had 4 chicks and a cheating hen who all sucked out all his money he got from his extremely boring job, and he finally got some peace for himself and was going to the local bar, which was on the other side of the road.
He walked in the door, wings sagging, feathers catching on his claws. The bartender eyes him as he sits on a bar stool. "Chuck, how ya doin'? The missus doin' good?"
"Just give me the hardest stuff you got. I'm done."
This caught the bartender by surprise. "Chuck, come on, don't be sayin' that. Just look to the future and you'll be fine."
"What future?" Chuck replied in a huff. "My wife and chicks are so goddamn pestering sometimes, you know? But if I leave, they'll all suffer, and I don't want that either. Oh, God, Phil, I don't know what to do."
"You know, you've got a good heart for a rooster your age," Phil answered. "We need that in these parts. I'm tellin' ya, there will be more than what's happenin' right now, ya know, life's got all its gears turning for ya, and there's just a bit slow right now. The gears haven't been oiled in a while, but who's the only one who can fix that?"
Chuck knew the answer. "Me."
Phil returned with his drink. "McClucken's Whiskey, on the house."
Chuck glanced at his glass. He held it up to the light. His face reflected in an aura around it, neither looking forward to the light and not backward, either.
"No thanks, Phil," Chuck sighed, "But thanks anyways."
He went to get up out of his chair. Phil called as he walked out the door, "Just remember to oil the gears every now and then, eh?"
Chuck's comb flapped in a cool breeze brought in by the season. A bench was nearby, staring across to the other side. And he just sat there, sat there thinking. Cars blurred to a colorfully colorless nothingness as he thought in silence.
He could see an open window in his mind, full of chickens: a sassy hen, two identical sportish chick; another, older than the two, and body bristling with blue comb-dye and the latest thing he watched online fresh on his Chickstagram page; finally, the first of the bunch, shy, bookish, with a secretly courageous soul. They all looked... worried, worried for the rooster who guided them, helped them grow, supported them... and all looking out of the window back at him.
A single tear welled in Chuck's eye.
The chicken walked back across the road to his family, to his friends, and to the life he was content with.
Your forehead is so big, I could land a jet plane on it.
What's red and blue and runs up your leg?
A homesick miscarriage.
Someone asked me what the worst mistake you could make while being at work was, and I replied, "Being a doctor and mixing up the oral and rectal thermometers."
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef!
I'mma flip this coin, if it lands on heads, tuh, you gotta give me head, if it lands on tails then you gotta give me the booty, so lets give this a try *flips coin* OOP! Would ya look at that, it landed on both, ESSKETIT!
Doctor, can I please have a new butt? My old one has a hole and a crack in it.
Bro, tampons look like sperms, and they go up your coochie.
Why'd the girl fall off the swing?
'Cause she had no arms.
Knock, knock!! Who's there?
Not the girl.
A skeleton walks into the hospital and said: "Doctor, Doctor, I broke my leg!" The doctor said: "I see..."
What's worse than eating 5 raw oysters out of your grandmother's vagina?
Realizing you only put in 4.
Where would the next Formula race happen?
Answer: On your flat chest.