Body jokes

Any girl can be a squirter if you hit the right artery.

After a surgery, a man claimed he couldn't feel his legs. I replied, "Of course not, I amputated your fucking arms!"

My penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records. -- Then the librarian told me to take it out.

What's the difference between my thighs and my eyebrows? Nothing, I slit both of them.

What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? - Their balls are just for decoration.

A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! That's not going to help!" she said. "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."

Roses are red, violets are black. Why is your chest as flat as your back?

What can a dwarf do standing up that a tall person can't do standing up?

Suck dick.

Halloween! The day nobody questions the bodies dangling in your tree!

ok this isn't a joke but it's funny.

Roses are red, nuts are brown, Skirts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin, when it's stiff, stick it in. It goes in dry, comes out wet, the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag, It's not what you think, it's a lipton tea bag.

Get your mind out of the gutter.

How do bitches talk about body positivity when they have no body to even be positive about?

Instead of Edward Scissorhands, I’m Edwardscissor wrists.

Your forehead is a 20-mile taxi ride from your eyebrows to your hairline.

What's both red, white and sometimes purple?

My arms...

What is long and not hairy?

The conga line in the cancer department.

You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.

Yo mama so fat, she got baptized at SeaWorld.

Your forehead's so big that it has its own gravitational pull.

If you donate one kidney, everybody loves you, and you’re a total hero. But donate five, and suddenly everyone is yelling. Geez!

I would roast you, but you don't have any meat!