Body jokes

After a surgery, a man claimed he couldn't feel his legs. I replied, "Of course not, I amputated your fucking arms!"

What's the difference between my thighs and my eyebrows? Nothing, I slit both of them.

What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? - Their balls are just for decoration.

Halloween! The day nobody questions the bodies dangling in your tree!

What can a dwarf do standing up that a tall person can't do standing up?

Suck dick.

A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! That's not going to help!" she said. "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."

ok this isn't a joke but it's funny.

Roses are red, nuts are brown, Skirts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin, when it's stiff, stick it in. It goes in dry, comes out wet, the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag, It's not what you think, it's a lipton tea bag.

Get your mind out of the gutter.

Roses are red, violets are black. Why is your chest as flat as your back?

How do bitches talk about body positivity when they have no body to even be positive about?

Instead of Edward Scissorhands, I’m Edwardscissor wrists.

What is long and not hairy?

The conga line in the cancer department.

What's both red, white and sometimes purple?

My arms...

You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.

My wrists have a different texture pack than the rest of me.

I was asked at school to draw a line across the paper, but instead I showed them my wrists.

What has three balls and flies through space?

E.T. the extra testicle.

Your forehead's so big that it has its own gravitational pull.

Your forehead is a 20-mile taxi ride from your eyebrows to your hairline.

If you donate one kidney, everybody loves you, and you’re a total hero. But donate five, and suddenly everyone is yelling. Geez!

Yo momma so fat, her belt size is E for Equator.