What is the second hardest thing in the morning?
Getting up.
My arms are just a different texture pack compared to my body.
Why do women rub their eyes in the morning?
Because they don't have balls.
I hear skeletons like to play the saxaBONE, though I think the tromBONE would be better, but tibia honest, both can be HUMERUS, wouldn't wanna hurt your funny bone, but I think your starting to get BONELY so I'll stop pulling your leg. Now get out before I give you a bad time.
What's the difference between sand and a dildo? Sand has never gone up my ass.
Technically, suicide is murder, and murder is illegal, so if I kill myself, my body should go to jail.
What is the difference between a Rubik’s cube and a penis? I don’t know, but they both get harder the more you play with them.
What's the difference between a hooker and a mosquito?
The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.
When I get naked in the shower, it gets turned on.
What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
You know, it's only considered murder if there's a body. Otherwise, it's just a missing person.
Dad: "If they jumped off a bridge, would you?"
Tommy: "Yes, cuz there would be a body pile to break my fall!"
A guy is at home and he's about to go get a physical at the doctor's office. When he gets there, the doctor says, "Brian, you're going to have to stop masturbating." He asked the doc why? The doc said, "So I can examine you!"
What’s the difference between hungry and horny?
Where you put the cucumber 🥒
(sorry in advance this joke is brutal)
What has 12 heads and 24 eyes?
The bin at the back of the abortion clinic.
What does the cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?
He wipes his butt.
Your mama's so fat, scientists found a new planet called Heranus.
I'm not lazy, I'm just bone tired. I bet that one tickled your funny bone. It sure got me rattled. Don't try to stop me. I've got a skele-ton of these!
So I ran into a woman the other day who says her vaginas is like a lottery ticket. She said it's because you have to be lucky to hit it... I thought it's because she was always scratching it.
Why do self-harmers "draw" on their arms?
Because everything they do is in vein.
Punchline: "Vain" sounds similar to "Vein".
