Body jokes

They say people are 75% water.

But I'm 100% useless.

Cremation,

The last chance for a smoking hot body.

Why is sex like math? You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there's no multiplying.

I go in to get a prostate exam. I'm nervous, but the doctor says it's all natural and needs to be done.

So he pulls down my pants and sticks one finger up my ass. I feel it go deeper inside, feeling for abnormalities.

That's when I realize his hands are on my shoulders.

A penis has a sad life.

His hair is a mess.

His family is nuts.

His neighbor is an asshole.

His best friend is a pussy.

And his owner beats him.

Why do midgets laugh when they run?

Because the grass tickles their balls.

Why do dwarfs laugh when they run?

The grass tickles their balls.

I was gonna roast you about your chin, but I didn't know which one to talk about.

I have 206 bones in my body, but when I look at you, I have 207.

Your forehead is so big that you dream in 4K.

What do five dicks sticking out of glory holes and five udders both have in common? They are ready for milking.

A little boy and a little girl are taking a bath together. The little girl looks down at the boy and says, "Can I touch it?" The little boy looks back at her and says, "Hell no, you already broke yours off!"

There was a guy who got his entire left side cut off. Don’t worry, he is all right now.

My friend, you lit my mind: that's what the lighter said to my thighs.

Q: Do you know why people don't like abortion jokes?

A: Because they leave people with a feeling of emptiness inside.

A woman went out on a date and said, “I’m thirty-one with the body of a sixteen-year-old.” The man responded, “Wanna show me? 😏” The woman took him back to her house and opened her freezer and said, “Take a look.”

My arm: "I'M GETTING RIPPED TONIGHT!"

What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

Oral sex will make your whole day. Anal sex will make your hole weak.

Any girl can be a squirter if you hit the right artery.

My penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records. -- Then the librarian told me to take it out.