Body jokes

Your mom is so fat that when she went on the scale, it said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"

My anus smells.

Two boys were at a lake, and they went to a bush and saw a naked lady.

One ran away, the other one followed the one who ran and asked why he ran. The boy answered, "My mum told me if I saw a naked lady I would turn to stone. I ran away because I felt something get hard."

Yo ass built like a wide body Hellcat!

Your mama's so fat when she sat on the toilet, the toilet said, "A, B, C, D, E, F, G, get your fat ass off of me!"

Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"

He says, "No."

She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."

"Pull down your pants, pull out my willy, stir your guts round like a hot bowl of chili."

Q: What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?

A: One has hope in her soul and one has soap in her hole.

What do you call a Greek necrophiliac?

Con Fuckacarcass.

It's like your hairline and your forehead had a disagreement.

Would you watch a tree grow? Or a knee grow?

One time a blind person grabbed my arm thinking it was something else.

"Oh wow, this is such an interesting book!"

What does gum in my d*ck have in common?

Both get chewed on by little kids.

Where's the best place to hide a body? In the second page of Google search results.

Your mama so fat, when Pennywise said, "We all float down here," he saw her and suddenly knew he was mistaken.

My wife wanted a boob job. I told her it was too expensive.

I told her all she has to do is take some toilet paper and rub it in between her boobs for a few days, and they would get bigger. She asked, "How is that supposed to work?"

I replied, "I don't know how it works, but it did a heck of a job on your ass!"

There is a party in my mouth, and your dick is invited.

Hey, you have something on your chin, no the 3rd one down.

What do you call a cheap circumcision?

A rip off.