What is the best way to get chewing gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
My wife wanted a boob job. I told her it was too expensive.
I told her all she has to do is take some toilet paper and rub it in between her boobs for a few days, and they would get bigger. She asked, "How is that supposed to work?"
I replied, "I don't know how it works, but it did a heck of a job on your ass!"
Hey, you have something on your chin, no the 3rd one down.
What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip off.
Never break someone's heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
My ex-boyfriend's dick is so small that instead of giving him a handjob, I had to give him a thumb and forefinger job.
Q: What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in front of a door?
A: Mat.
There is a party in my mouth, and your dick is invited.
What do women put on their ears to look more attractive?
Their knees.
Do you have a shovel in your back pocket?
Why?
'Cause I’m digging that ass.
"Suicide is a murder, and my body should go to jail."
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying in a pile of leaves?
Russell
Three nuns are having a charity in front of the church.
A man in a trench coat walks up and flashes the three nuns. The first nun had a stroke, the second nun had a stroke, but the third nun, her arm was too short.
Have you heard of Imagine Dragons (the band)? Imagine dragging these nuts across your face.
What would be a good job for a fat person? A four-chin teller!
Why did the ball person go to the doctor?
He was kicked in the balls.
Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?
Because they have no body to go with.
What did one saggy boob say to the other?
"We better start getting some support around here, or people are gonna think we're nuts!"
My depressed body would look great hanging from a tree...
What did one butt cheek say to the other?
"Together we can stop this shit!"
