Body jokes

My ex-boyfriend's dick is so small that instead of giving him a handjob, I had to give him a thumb and forefinger job.

Q: What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in front of a door?

A: Mat.

What do women put on their ears to look more attractive?

Their knees.

"Suicide is a murder, and my body should go to jail."

Do you have a shovel in your back pocket?

Why?

'Cause I’m digging that ass.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying in a pile of leaves?

Russell

Why did the ball person go to the doctor?

He was kicked in the balls.

What would be a good job for a fat person? A four-chin teller!

What did one butt cheek say to the other?

"Together we can stop this shit!"

Have you heard of Imagine Dragons (the band)? Imagine dragging these nuts across your face.

Three nuns are having a charity in front of the church.

A man in a trench coat walks up and flashes the three nuns. The first nun had a stroke, the second nun had a stroke, but the third nun, her arm was too short.

My depressed body would look great hanging from a tree...

Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?

Because they have no body to go with.

What did one saggy boob say to the other?

"We better start getting some support around here, or people are gonna think we're nuts!"

I made a website for orphans. It doesn’t have a home page.

What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

What is the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman? One is a superhero and the other is a simple command.

Three people explored the jungles, one was from France, one from Britain, and the other from America.

While exploring, they were captured by the tribe living there. The tribesmen told the three, "You three have invaded our territory, so we must kill you and use your bodies to create canoes. However, we aren't that heartless, so we'll let you choose your deaths."

So the French guy asked for a gun, pointed to his head, and said "Viva la France!" and shot himself. The Britain guy requested poison and said, "For the Queen!" and drank the poison. Lastly, the American asked for a spoon. The tribesmen were confused but still gave him the spoon. When the American got the spoon, he started stabbing himself, "Try make a canoe out of this one!"

Why did my foot cross the road?

Because your ass was on the other side.

I was watching a "don't laugh" video, and an erection joke almost made me laugh.

It really gave me a hard time indeed.

You are so fat that the waiter said to you every time: "Sorry for your weight" instead of "Sorry for the wait."

What did Sally do when she got home?

Cry because she has no arms.